Relationships

Keys to a good marriage

I found this this morning, and found it pretty interesting, and figured I'd see what you ladies thought:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/ethics-everyone/201009/the-key-good-marriage

Which is a blog in response to this article:

http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/03/13/p.techniques.use.husband/index.html

In short, it's an article that explains that the keys to a good marriage are basically to use these parenting techniques:

  1. Reward good behavior.
  2. Keep it brief (when reminding them to do something).
  3. The time-out.
  4. Give quality time to get quality time.
  5. Creative discipline
Thoughts on this?  Do you ever find yourself using parenting techniques on your SO?  And, if you had to come up with 3 keys to a good marriage, what would they be?

 


Re: Keys to a good marriage

  • I didn't read the articles, but i'm a fan of good, old fashioned Communication.  I think respecting your partner enough to listen to him or her, and clearly and respectfully being able to express yourself go a long way to a happy marriage.

    I don't believe in the "reward good behavior" in the sense that you would praise a child or give a treat to a dog... but I do believe in thanking your partner, or acknowledging when he or she has done something (regardless of whether or not it's his or her job to do so).

  • Communication, respect, compromise and caring would be on my list.  I didn't read the article or the blog. But I don't think marriage should be based on parenting philosophies, it should be a partnership.
  • That is total drivel.  No, I don't use parenting techniques on my H... because we're not parent-child, we're equals.
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  • image Karen2905:

    I didn't read the articles, but i'm a fan of good, old fashioned Communication.  I think respecting your partner enough to listen to him or her, and clearly and respectfully being able to express yourself go a long way to a happy marriage.

    I don't believe in the "reward good behavior" in the sense that you would praise a child or give a treat to a dog... but I do believe in thanking your partner, or acknowledging when he or she has done something (regardless of whether or not it's his or her job to do so).

    This was the first thing that came to mind when I read it.  It seems more like the way I train my dog, not the way I'd want to treat my husband.

  • No way.  I parent my children, not my husband.

    The keys to a good relationship, at least in my perspective, are respect, honesty, and trust.  A marriage is always a work in progress -- you're constantly learning to communicate more effectively as you grow in your relationship and your circumstances shift.

    The goal of successful parenting is to get your kids self-sufficient and out the door as independent and functional adults.  The goal of successful marriage is growing in your partnership.

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  • I think the author of the CNN article is a jerk!  The husband had a valid request and her response is to distract him?  I think the husband is more level headed than the wife, and yet the wife thinks she can "parent" the husband?  Wow, she has issues.

    From "Parenting" article posted on CNN:

    I decided to find out on a Saturday, one of my precious days to sleep late. At 9:30 that morning, when I staggered downstairs to the kitchen to find my older son, Zander, using his spoon as a Cheerio catapult, 10-month-old Thad elbow deep in the dog's water bowl, and my husband buried in the sports section, I took a deep, cleansing breath. "I really appreciate your letting me sleep in," I began.

    "The baby wakes up so much at night all week long that staying in bed on Saturdays keeps me from going insane. Thanks again for all your help."

    My husband lowered his newspaper. "You're welcome," he said, looking me firmly in the eye. "You know, I wouldn't mind sleeping in occasionally myself. Maybe we could trade weekends from now on, so we both get a chance to relax."

    Disaster! A few snappy retorts came to mind, but I had a sinking feeling that this particular battle was definitely better left unchosen. What I needed was another time-tested parenting strategy.

    Fortunately, a thousand shopping trips with a toddler in tow had taught me the very one. "Well," I answered thoughtfully, "that makes perfect sense. After all, it's only fair that -- Hey! Is that a squirrel on the bird feeder?"

    A few minutes later, with Greg and Zander devising a complicated squirrel-repellent plan outside, I poured a cup of coffee, extracted Thad from the dog water, and breathed a sigh of relief. Score another point for distraction -- it never fails.

  • This just shows me that the author lacks effective communication skills.  She's making herself look like a complete fool by trying to imply guys are so clueless.  Her husband is probably tired of his wife playing mind games with him.

    "Um," I said as I fished the baby out of his high chair after lunch. "Baby gates? Today? Install?"

    You could have knocked me over with a feather when I went upstairs an hour later. The gates were up, the boxes were gone, and the tools had been put away. Wow.

  • "Around 7 is not seven 7:30!" I cried. "Go to your room!"

    He probably stopped at a bar for a beer on the way home before having to deal with her craziness.  The author should know not to attack her husband right when he gets home from work.  Seriously who would want to come home to that?

  • I'd like to hear what her ideas of 'Creative Discipline' are.  (Without having to read the article) 

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  • The author needs to get out more and interact with adults, she is clearly loosing her mind.

     

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  • image ehostilo:

    I'd like to hear what her ideas of 'Creative Discipline' are.  (Without having to read the article) 

    The books call it creative discipline: Instead of punishing a resentful child, you're supposed to sit down with him after a serious or chronic infraction and figure out together how he should atone and, ultimately, change the behavior. Frankly, it sounded awful (I loathe confrontation), but gritting my teeth through another week of lateness sounded worse.

     

  • My parents have been married 33 years in December. My dad is someone who I have always gone to when I need advice.  This is what he tells me are the keys to a good marriage:

     1. Your spouse always comes first, they are the number one person in your life

    2. Compromise

    3. Ladies...stroke their ego. He says, yes I know its not right, but it is something men need. (I think this goes along with that reward principle)

    4. And let the man think he is in charge. Dad says the key to that is think. He said, "I know when you hear it you think no way, BUT your mother lets me think I am in charge, when I know I'm not really in charge, that she is. But she lets me think I am."

    5. Pick your battles, think about the fight, or the issue, if it won't matter in one year, or even a couple months, its not worth the battle.

  • image crystalbeasley:

    My parents have been married 33 years in December. My dad is someone who I have always gone to when I need advice.  This is what he tells me are the keys to a good marriage:

     1. Your spouse always comes first, they are the number one person in your life

    2. Compromise

    3. Ladies...stroke their ego. He says, yes I know its not right, but it is something men need. (I think this goes along with that reward principle)

    4. And let the man think he is in charge. Dad says the key to that is think. He said, "I know when you hear it you think no way, BUT your mother lets me think I am in charge, when I know I'm not really in charge, that she is. But she lets me think I am."

    5. Pick your battles, think about the fight, or the issue, if it won't matter in one year, or even a couple months, its not worth the battle.

    I see your point on # 4 but I don't agree with it.  My parents have also been married 33 years and they have treated each other as equal partners and I do the same with my marriage.  I don't believe in the man being the "head of the household" and won't play any mind games (even if just silly) to get what I want.  My DH and I are equally in charge because decisions affect both of our lives.  I shudder at the word "submissive".

  • 1  Treating each other with kindness and respect - especially when you don't feel like doing so.

    2.  Good communication and problem solving skills

    3.  Like mindedness with good money management skills

    4.  Like mindedness with religion/no religion and life goals

    5. Having your own interests, friends, as well as shared interests and friends

    6. Getting along with your partner's family

  • Communication, respect, trust, sex, having outside interests.
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