RE: God first, Marriage Second, Kids Third

Brideofranken

Can anyone give me an example of how this would play out?

it is boggling my feeble mind.

so...like...putting your marriage ahead of your kids- like how? by having them raised by nannies? by...say...leaving them in their cribs all day so you can have sex?

Stupid real housewives! the dumb one is really confusing me!

MontereyBride

I'm not watching what you are watching but I've heard this phrase before. It has to do with keeping your relationship with your spouse the first priority (after your relationship with God).

Stacy&Jason

God first - we are about the most ungodly people around, look at my boobies, but it sounds really good for the cameras

Marriage second - I will spend my day Barbieizing myself because hey, I was married to white trash before this, so I've got to keep myself Stepforded or else he'll kick me to the curb (re:  Tamra)

Kids third - I need two full time nannies for my three kids becuase I am too busy Barbieizing myself all day.  And I'm spoiled.

MrsPoggio2be

My parents lived this-or at least tried to. It just means that you put your relationship with God above anything. Then you make your relationship with your spouse a priority above your kids by carving out time together as a couple for devotions, church, dates, time away from the kids, etc. Obviously your kids may need to come before your marriage at different times, but in theory you put your spouse ahead of your kids because they will always be there when your kids are probably going to grow up and leave the nest.

Tambcat

Disclaimer! I'm not watching, nor will I ever watch, RHW.

With that out of the way... these things are kind of supposed to trickle down into one another. Your relationship with your spouse is supposed to mirror your relationship w/ Jesus, and a good marriage is supposed to make for happy and healthy kids.

eta: ooooor poggio is right and I just look like a freak! Lol

So Long Astoria

I always thought spouse came first then kids....

Then I had a kid.

Now I'm not so sure. If my house was burning down, and I could only save one...I'd save Betty. I would hope my husband would do the same.

Tambcat

So Long Astoria:

I always thought spouse came first then kids....

Then I had a kid.

Now I'm not so sure. If my house was burning down, and I could only save one...I'd save Betty. I would hope my husband would do the same.

I think it refers to your relationship with your spouse vs. your relationship with your child, not the relative importance of their lives.

Iloveoysters

I was raised in a marriage first, kids second household. It meant parents had a standing 1 night out each week, went on 1 vacation a year alone, and did not always drop everything for me whenever I screamed and cried. I appreciate what they did, it taught me I don't always come first (although I resented them at times when this played out), and now I see them going strong while I am free to go about my life.

*moeilyk*

My parents also tried as much as possible to live through this dogma.  Naturally I didn't see anything but positive effects when I was growing up (as in, I never felt neglected nor abused nor unloved) but now, as a married woman, I understand how, if you are religious/spiritual, this could work to your favour.

And I agree with Poggio.  For them, it was ensuring that things were in a priority that worked for them.  

iluvmylab

I think it means that if you are going to take good care of your kids, you have to take care of their mommy and daddy first.

Brideofranken

hmm. I guess...I don't know.

I mean..I certainly make my marriage a priority- but I don't know that I put it ABOVE my children.

Or even how I would do that without simply being a bad parent.

naturally couples need their time alone- but I wouldn't take that time at the expense of my children's needs- I didn't bring my husband into this world- We made the decision together to have our children, so I feel like their needs will always be first- but again- I can't think of an instance where I had to choose a priority there...

and as for mirroring my relationship with jesus, the very first thing that popped into my mind was blow jobs...ha!

I wonder if this theory is just a ghey way of stating the obvious?

taking time for yourselves as a couple is healthy?

sometimes people like that nutty housewife need a mantra to feel important.

MontereyBride

It's definitely not about doing anything at the expense of your childrens needs. I think it's more about recognizing what is a need and what isn't and not always dropping everything for Timmy's every whim and fancy. Of course if your child falls and is bleeding, he needs attention.

Stellasmom

Brideofranken:

hmm. I guess...I don't know.

I mean..I certainly make my marriage a priority- but I don't know that I put it ABOVE my children.

Or even how I would do that without simply being a bad parent.

naturally couples need their time alone- but I wouldn't take that time at the expense of my children's needs- I didn't bring my husband into this world- We made the decision together to have our children, so I feel like their needs will always be first- but again- I can't think of an instance where I had to choose a priority there...

and as for mirroring my relationship with jesus, the very first thing that popped into my mind was blow jobs...ha!

I wonder if this theory is just a ghey way of stating the obvious?

taking time for yourselves as a couple is healthy?

sometimes people like that nutty housewife need a mantra to feel important.

The idea that not putting your child first in every possible circumstance makes you a bad parent is a cultural trend, and frankly, pure crap.

MontereyBride

Stellasmom:

Brideofranken:

hmm. I guess...I don't know.

I mean..I certainly make my marriage a priority- but I don't know that I put it ABOVE my children.

Or even how I would do that without simply being a bad parent.

naturally couples need their time alone- but I wouldn't take that time at the expense of my children's needs- I didn't bring my husband into this world- We made the decision together to have our children, so I feel like their needs will always be first- but again- I can't think of an instance where I had to choose a priority there...

and as for mirroring my relationship with jesus, the very first thing that popped into my mind was blow jobs...ha!

I wonder if this theory is just a ghey way of stating the obvious?

taking time for yourselves as a couple is healthy?

sometimes people like that nutty housewife need a mantra to feel important.

The idea that not putting your child first in every possible circumstance makes you a bad parent is a cultural trend, and frankly, pure crap.

BoF seems like she's really trying to understand this concept. Quit being an incendiary shiit and try actually explaining yourself.

Stellasmom

I'm not being incendiary. It seems to me like she's trying to see how it would work without feeling guilty, and I'm telling her the guilt is manufactured by societal pressure and she doesn't have to feel guilty.

All of these kid centered families are producing the most self centered adults ever to grace the nation.

....and lmao that I'm the incendiary one when I'm not the one calling people shiits.

MontereyBride

Stellasmom:

I'm not being incendiary. It seems to me like she's trying to see how it would work without feeling guilty, and I'm telling her the guilt is manufactured by societal pressure and she doesn't have to feel guilty.

All of these kid centered families are producing the most self centered adults ever to grace the nation.

....and lmao that I'm the incendiary one when I'm not the one calling people shiits.

 

I've been using the word shiit A LOT lately.

To borrow from you.. heh  shrug. 

saraandmichael

omg, my old babysitter fb friended me and she says this in her little info box on the left. 

i dont get it either.

DR&RN04

Stellasmom:

I'm not being incendiary. It seems to me like she's trying to see how it would work without feeling guilty, and I'm telling her the guilt is manufactured by societal pressure and she doesn't have to feel guilty.

All of these kid centered families are producing the most self centered adults ever to grace the nation.

....and lmao that I'm the incendiary one when I'm not the one calling people shiits.

I'm inclined to agree w/ this, and would like to add "entitled" to that description.  

 

cvillebetrothed

Tambcat:

So Long Astoria:

I always thought spouse came first then kids....

Then I had a kid.

Now I'm not so sure. If my house was burning down, and I could only save one...I'd save Betty. I would hope my husband would do the same.

I think it refers to your relationship with your spouse vs. your relationship with your child, not the relative importance of their lives.

lol! i love you tamb.

 

my mantra is spa treatments first, marriage second, shoes third, children fourth.

*moeilyk*

my mantra is spa treatments first, marriage second, shoes third, children fourth.

 

i have wine, chocolate, cheese, champagne, shoes, clothes, trips to far away places, then marriage, then everything else...  but i'm selfish!!!

 

angelaa73

sh!t, if my church was part fashion show, part rock arena, I'd put that clubbing ahead of my marriage too!!

LOLOLOLOL

Brideofranken

I think I must sound tardarito, because I can't put into words exactly what I don't understand...

like...ok: I think couples need time and to celebrate their relationship. I also think that children should NOT be made to think that the earth rorates around them, and that the sun rises with their happiness in mind.

but what would be an actual example of putting the marriage before the children, as opposed to just handling things as they need to be handled.

I feel like its just a wording thing more than anything else- because I can't  figure where there would be a face off of marriage v. children's needs.

 also: my priorities in order of importance would be gin first, shoes second, cupcakes third, trash tv fourth, internet fifth, kids at some point...then marriage?

j/k

 

 

Tambcat

BofF, I think it's just a backlash against the kid-centered aspect of our culture and the guilt stellas is talking about.  I think an example would be ... oh... I don't know... putting your kid in daycare on your day off so you could get someshit done to make your household a little more peaceful for everyone. You shouldn't have to feel guilty about it and feel like you're putting something else above your baby, but SOME people will try to make you feel like that anyway.

Okay, so maybe a better example would be getting a babysitter so you can go to a tent revival w/ your H, lol, but I wanted to use the NaHoku/11D thing from yesterday.

Brideofranken

ok- it sounds like what I thought- just that you can't bury yourself and/or your marriage in favor of your spawn.

word to that.

 

smcdonald03

This! It is really sad when you see couples that don't know each other because one or the other becomes so obsessed with their child's every want. Please note I said WANT and not NEED. Our society is completely screwed up when it comes to determining the difference in these two things.

Eddy1

DR&RN04:

Stellasmom:

I'm not being incendiary. It seems to me like she's trying to see how it would work without feeling guilty, and I'm telling her the guilt is manufactured by societal pressure and she doesn't have to feel guilty.

All of these kid centered families are producing the most self centered adults ever to grace the nation.

....and lmao that I'm the incendiary one when I'm not the one calling people shiits.

I'm inclined to agree w/ this, and would like to add "entitled" to that description.  

 

I 100% agree with this and I know Stella and I have always been on the same page about this.

The biggest thing my mom taught me is to not leave your spouse on the back burner when you have kids. So basically remember to put your spouse first. It doesn't mean you wait on him when he comes home and tell your kid to go change his own damn diaper it just means that you remember his needs and make him a priority in your life. And hopefully he does the same for you.

I am trying very very hard to do the same as my parents have an awesome marriage and I always knew growing up that their date nights were a standard Saturday night thing. Seeing them make each other a priority was imporant. To me it means once in awhile we pop in a DVD and let DS watch it at night while we sit around and have a glass of wine and catch up on the day. If I was putting DS first I would be totally engaged with him 24/7. But that is not good for the marriage nor for the child so you try to find balance and remember that you will always live with your spouse but some day, sniff sniff, you baby is going to leave.

lust2hart

Brideofranken:

I think I must sound tardarito, because I can't put into words exactly what I don't understand...

like...ok: I think couples need time and to celebrate their relationship. I also think that children should NOT be made to think that the earth rorates around them, and that the sun rises with their happiness in mind.

but what would be an actual example of putting the marriage before the children, as opposed to just handling things as they need to be handled.

I feel like its just a wording thing more than anything else- because I can't  figure where there would be a face off of marriage v. children's needs.

 also: my priorities in order of importance would be gin first, shoes second, cupcakes third, trash tv fourth, internet fifth, kids at some point...then marriage?

j/k

I was scrolling, and I can think of a few concrete examples that a family I'm close with has shared with me.

1. When Dad gets home, he kisses his wife first.

2. They've laid out the rule that when Mom and Dad are spending time together alone (talking in the living room, watching a movie together in the den, etc.), the kids are not to interrupt unless someone is bleeding. 

3. They've designed their house so that their bedroom is on the first floor and kids' bedrooms are on the second floor, physically giving themselves space away from their children. 

4. If Dad overhears a kid disrespecting Mom, he "comes to her rescue." Not that Mom couldn't handle it herself - it's more like - when Mom is disciplining a kid because the kid has hurt one of his/her siblings, Dad stays out of it. But when the kid is disrespecting Mom, yes, she could take care of it, but it's like, Dad's coming in because someone is being mean to HIS WIFE, and he won't stand for that. And vice versa - Mom comes in if the kids are ever mouthing off to Dad.