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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
RE: God first, Marriage Second, Kids Third
Can anyone give me an example of how this would play out?
it is boggling my feeble mind.
so...like...putting your marriage ahead of your kids- like how? by having them raised by nannies? by...say...leaving them in their cribs all day so you can have sex?
Stupid real housewives! the dumb one is really confusing me!
Re: RE: God first, Marriage Second, Kids Third
God first - we are about the most ungodly people around, look at my boobies, but it sounds really good for the cameras
Marriage second - I will spend my day Barbieizing myself because hey, I was married to white trash before this, so I've got to keep myself Stepforded or else he'll kick me to the curb (re: Tamra)
Kids third - I need two full time nannies for my three kids becuase I am too busy Barbieizing myself all day. And I'm spoiled.
Starting her off right, lol!
Disclaimer! I'm not watching, nor will I ever watch, RHW.
With that out of the way... these things are kind of supposed to trickle down into one another. Your relationship with your spouse is supposed to mirror your relationship w/ Jesus, and a good marriage is supposed to make for happy and healthy kids.
eta: ooooor poggio is right and I just look like a freak! Lol
I always thought spouse came first then kids....
Then I had a kid.
Now I'm not so sure. If my house was burning down, and I could only save one...I'd save Betty. I would hope my husband would do the same.
I think it refers to your relationship with your spouse vs. your relationship with your child, not the relative importance of their lives.
My parents also tried as much as possible to live through this dogma. Naturally I didn't see anything but positive effects when I was growing up (as in, I never felt neglected nor abused nor unloved) but now, as a married woman, I understand how, if you are religious/spiritual, this could work to your favour.
And I agree with Poggio. For them, it was ensuring that things were in a priority that worked for them.
hmm. I guess...I don't know.
I mean..I certainly make my marriage a priority- but I don't know that I put it ABOVE my children.
Or even how I would do that without simply being a bad parent.
naturally couples need their time alone- but I wouldn't take that time at the expense of my children's needs- I didn't bring my husband into this world- We made the decision together to have our children, so I feel like their needs will always be first- but again- I can't think of an instance where I had to choose a priority there...
and as for mirroring my relationship with jesus, the very first thing that popped into my mind was blow jobs...ha!
I wonder if this theory is just a ghey way of stating the obvious?
taking time for yourselves as a couple is healthy?
sometimes people like that nutty housewife need a mantra to feel important.
The idea that not putting your child first in every possible circumstance makes you a bad parent is a cultural trend, and frankly, pure crap.
http://www.imselfinvolved.blogspot.com
BoF seems like she's really trying to understand this concept. Quit being an incendiary shiit and try actually explaining yourself.
I'm not being incendiary. It seems to me like she's trying to see how it would work without feeling guilty, and I'm telling her the guilt is manufactured by societal pressure and she doesn't have to feel guilty.
All of these kid centered families are producing the most self centered adults ever to grace the nation.
....and lmao that I'm the incendiary one when I'm not the one calling people shiits.
http://www.imselfinvolved.blogspot.com
I've been using the word shiit A LOT lately.
To borrow from you.. heh shrug.
omg, my old babysitter fb friended me and she says this in her little info box on the left.
i dont get it either.
I'm inclined to agree w/ this, and would like to add "entitled" to that description.
lol! i love you tamb.
my mantra is spa treatments first, marriage second, shoes third, children fourth.
my mantra is spa treatments first, marriage second, shoes third, children fourth.
i have wine, chocolate, cheese, champagne, shoes, clothes, trips to far away places, then marriage, then everything else... but i'm selfish!!!
sh!t, if my church was part fashion show, part rock arena, I'd put that clubbing ahead of my marriage too!!
LOLOLOLOL
I think I must sound tardarito, because I can't put into words exactly what I don't understand...
like...ok: I think couples need time and to celebrate their relationship. I also think that children should NOT be made to think that the earth rorates around them, and that the sun rises with their happiness in mind.
but what would be an actual example of putting the marriage before the children, as opposed to just handling things as they need to be handled.
I feel like its just a wording thing more than anything else- because I can't figure where there would be a face off of marriage v. children's needs.
also: my priorities in order of importance would be gin first, shoes second, cupcakes third, trash tv fourth, internet fifth, kids at some point...then marriage?
j/k
BofF, I think it's just a backlash against the kid-centered aspect of our culture and the guilt stellas is talking about. I think an example would be ... oh... I don't know... putting your kid in daycare on your day off so you could get someshit done to make your household a little more peaceful for everyone. You shouldn't have to feel guilty about it and feel like you're putting something else above your baby, but SOME people will try to make you feel like that anyway.
Okay, so maybe a better example would be getting a babysitter so you can go to a tent revival w/ your H, lol, but I wanted to use the NaHoku/11D thing from yesterday.
ok- it sounds like what I thought- just that you can't bury yourself and/or your marriage in favor of your spawn.
word to that.
I 100% agree with this and I know Stella and I have always been on the same page about this.
The biggest thing my mom taught me is to not leave your spouse on the back burner when you have kids. So basically remember to put your spouse first. It doesn't mean you wait on him when he comes home and tell your kid to go change his own damn diaper it just means that you remember his needs and make him a priority in your life. And hopefully he does the same for you.
I am trying very very hard to do the same as my parents have an awesome marriage and I always knew growing up that their date nights were a standard Saturday night thing. Seeing them make each other a priority was imporant. To me it means once in awhile we pop in a DVD and let DS watch it at night while we sit around and have a glass of wine and catch up on the day. If I was putting DS first I would be totally engaged with him 24/7. But that is not good for the marriage nor for the child so you try to find balance and remember that you will always live with your spouse but some day, sniff sniff, you baby is going to leave.
I was scrolling, and I can think of a few concrete examples that a family I'm close with has shared with me.
1. When Dad gets home, he kisses his wife first.
2. They've laid out the rule that when Mom and Dad are spending time together alone (talking in the living room, watching a movie together in the den, etc.), the kids are not to interrupt unless someone is bleeding.
3. They've designed their house so that their bedroom is on the first floor and kids' bedrooms are on the second floor, physically giving themselves space away from their children.
4. If Dad overhears a kid disrespecting Mom, he "comes to her rescue." Not that Mom couldn't handle it herself - it's more like - when Mom is disciplining a kid because the kid has hurt one of his/her siblings, Dad stays out of it. But when the kid is disrespecting Mom, yes, she could take care of it, but it's like, Dad's coming in because someone is being mean to HIS WIFE, and he won't stand for that. And vice versa - Mom comes in if the kids are ever mouthing off to Dad.