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My turn: my current worry/stress

Seems like everyone else is sharing some things that are stressing them out and I'd like to get my own off my chest.

 I graduate from OU with my engineering degree next month and way back in the fall I accepted a great job in Kansas City. Problem is, Joe can't come with me because he has to finish his last year of medical school. I'm starting to worry that I made the wrong decision by choosing to move off without Joe. When I accepted the job we knew he couldn't come, but I'll be super close to both of our families and we agreed that we'd see each other at least every other weekend and he has 6 weeks off we'll be able to spend together. The market for engineers just isn't really available here in Oklahoma, so I was really in a spot to nail down a job for after graduation. Even though it's a great opportunity out of college, I'm starting to seriously dread leaving here. We'll be moving out of our house (that I LOVE) and Joe is going to get a smaller place so we can afford to travel back and forth to see one another. I just wonder what kind of a wife I am for accepting a job away from my husband. I don't even look forward to graduating at this point. I feel like I've worked so hard in school and now I can't even enjoy the "finish line" because it means leaving my hubby.

 As soon as Joe finishes next Spring we'll move wherever he gets his residency, so we'll be apart no longer than 10-12 months but it's so scary to leave...
 

 


 

Re: My turn: my current worry/stress

  • First, what kind of engineering will you be doing? Second, you shouldn't feel like a bad wife for this.  It'll be a very long 10-12 months, but it sounds like ultimately you are doing what is best for you and your hubby. I had a friend in college who got married the June after we graduated, and then she moved to WV for a job while her husband stayed here to finish up his last year of school.  I could not imagine spending the first year of marriage apart, but they did it and are now together in WV and happy.
  • I'm an industrial engineer, but my new position is in management. I'll be managing a team of 35 people in a production environment, which is a great opportunity right out of college, especially since I'm more interested in project management and ultimately teaching. It's nice to hear that you know of someone who has been in the same position and it all turned out well. 10 months isn't a lifetime, right...? :-(
  • First of all, congrats on the job!  Second of all, fourth year is amazing and Joe will have TONS of time to come visit you in KC!  I saved all 6 weeks of my vacation til the end, but there have been plenty of weeks throughout the year where I didn't do a thing. I have even told a (little white) lie a few times and said that was I was taking my Step 2 CS so that I could take 3 or 4 days off!  And, during interview season, I had a slow month because I cancelled several interviews but I didn't tell them and took off anyway!  So, he will get to come see you much more than you're imagining. 

    And, you certainly are not an awful wife for taking a job away from your husband.  What you're doing will be better for you both as a couple in the long run.  10-12 months is a long time, and I'm sure it's not going to be much fun, but you'll be busy learning your new job and time will fly by.  It won't be so bad!   

  • 10-12 months will seem like a long time, but in the grand scheme of things its nothing.  That's what I have to keep telling myself when my hubby keeps moving me away from friends and family.  I know its a little bit different situation for you, but you will have family close by.  Good luck!
  • that is super scary, but things always work out the way they are supposed to!
  • I haven't posted in a very long time, but your post made me feel like I should chime in. My DH and I have almost finished a two-year period of living apart while I've been in grad school in Massachusetts and he's stayed in okc to continue working. We decided to live in different states because he has a great job, and they are paying for him to get his MBA. We also knew that we'd want to be in Oklahoma when I finished my degree. By the time I move back at the beginning of June, I'll have my master's and he will be one year away from graduating with his. So logically, this arrangement made sense.

    Before I moved up here, though, I felt just like you do now. It's a sense of impending doom almost (I know, dramatic), but more than anything for me was that I was afraid of the unknown. Thankfully, the anticipation was worse than the reality. Yes, it sucks to live apart, and I can't wait for it to be over, but if you have a strong and trusting relationship, then you will be fine. It also helps to have a specific end date in sight, which it sounds like you do. I suggest talking things over beforehand, like expectations about how you will communicate (how many phone calls per day, etc.) so that you are both on the same page. You can also plan your first visit right away so that you have that to look forward to. Lastly, keep busy so that you don't have time to dwell. Call on your family in the area and try your best to make friends right away. You'll have to dive in to your new job and living in the new area so that you're not completely miserable the whole time. It sounds like you have a great opportunity ahead of you, and so does he, so try to focus on that and how well positioned you guys will be when you finish this year apart.

    Okay, I could write a novel about this, apparently. Feel free to send me an email if you want to talk more! You can reach me at jtthurman at gmail dot com.

     

  • My hubbie and I were in a very similar situation. My DH started PA school in Wichita in June 06, we got married in July 06 and I started med school in Tulsa in August 06. He graduates in 3 weeks and is finally moving home!! It was rough, especially at first. A few of his rotations have taken him even farther away (Topeka, Holton) and the driving back and forth wore us out (both mentally and monetarily). We see each other every weekend and it is always amazing (definitely keeps the spark alive!). It honestly has gone so fast, but it takes a lot of commitment, understanding and unlimited cell phone minutes to get through being apart. There have been people that have critcized us (especially me) for making the decision to live apart at first, but we both came into the relationship with dreams and goals and we wanted to support each other to accomplish them. Good luck with everything!
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