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New Perspective Needed to Repair Relationship with In-laws
Thanksgiving before last I confronted my SIL. My relationship with ILs has been hell ever since. It continues to stress and hurt DH and I want to make it better for his sake. I'll share some of the high points and end with the most current issue.
His sister was my MOH she loves weddings, we had a great relationship while DH and I were dating so I was excited to have her participate in everything. She didn't throw a single shower in spite of mentioning it several times, no big deal other friends stepped up. She has now been in several weddings and accommodated lavish showers. I've never made issue over it or really given that much thought. Our engagement lasted six months, as time progressed she got more and more bratty. I can only assume that she couldn't take not being the center of attention. She would constantly make comments about "her wedding" FIL participated, always reassuring her publicly that she would receive the best.The rest of us shrugged it off, she wants to work in the wedding industry let her play and dream. MIL once corrected her in front of me saying "This is not about you." Life went on I had a beautiful wedding.
DH's parents pastor a church so often times holidays are very busy days for them. My mother offers to host them on holidays so that MIL doesn't have to worry about cooking and seeing after guests on top of everything else. We shared several fun holidays together at my parents' house while dating. We often spoke of the value of the relationship both families shared. Everyone seemed to anticipate these traditions continuing and through our first year of marriage they did. I do want to say that equal time was spent at his family's home for other events. I understand that no matter how good a relationship between in-laws is they're each going to want their own time together as a family. We cannot spend each and every holiday at my mom's house, I realize this. So our second married thanksgiving we gather at my parents' house. From the moment she stepped through the door (30 minutes late) SIL had her nose turned down at the whole affair. We had a large crowd so my mom pulled out an extra folding table there was a tablecloth but no decor. This was appalling to SIL she could only talk about what her mom would have arranged and what their family "used" to do. Want to see me mad, insult my family. I found myself alone in the kitchen with SIL and told her that if she didn't want to be there then we didn't want her there. Honestly, that was all that was said. You would have thought I'd cussed her out by the fallout. She dragged FIL into my parents' basement to have a private conversation shortly after the in-laws all left. I confessed what I had said to DH and apologized. I called SIL the next day to apologize. I handled the situation so wrong and I am still embarrassed by my behavior. Her response was "Good, you should be sorry. I'm glad you called." This is where I really ran into trouble. Obviously she needed to apologize for her behavior. The conversation took a turn for the worse and we both said a lot of things we shouldn't have. MIL and FIL were both listening in apparently. MIL got involved more things were said between she and I. We have since spoken of the event and cleared things up though there is still a lot of discomfort. FIL continues to protect SIL who has no relationship with me other than when we are in public. She will not take responsibility for her actions. I'm struggling to let that go so it still plagues family relationships today.
So recently... My mom traveled to attend a ladies event with me at my church, I posted a photo to Instagram and SIL commented. She hasn't spoken to me or my mother in months so I deleted her comment. I maintain that space as a reflection of myself and I do not tolerate fake. I didn't do it to be mean or hateful. I will not participate in making her look perfect when she is far from it. I suspect the comment was made to draw attention to her because she and MIL were not invited to the event. After the comment was deleted she blocked me and sends DH a text saying she needs to talk to him. FIL calls DH to ask if he is going to talk to his sister. DH says no and fills FIL in on how frustrated he is by the entire situation. The same day the deleting/blocking Instagram childishness occurred MIL posts a bible verse with caption "Keep holding on..let God take care of the wicked." Is she calling me wicked? Am I insane? How do I make this stop?
I can admit my faults. I need to deal with some pride issues among other things. I'm looking for an outside perspective. We're traveling with MIL & FIL this weekend so I'll have a great opportunity to move forward. Please help me go in equipped to take responsibility for myself and move in a direction that will make DH's life happier.