Buying A Home
Dear Community,

Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.

If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.

Thank you.

Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.

Perfect Home...next to my MIL

Help!

My Hubby an I are looking into buying this beautiful home, perfect price, perfect size... right across the street from my MIL.

Background: I love my MIL. We've had to live with her while house hunting and previously before we moved a way from town we lived with her while going to college. She owns a duplex, it worked well.  Problem: my husband is a bit of a mommy's boy. While it doesn't really happen often, she also knows how to manipulate him and no it doesn't always work, but it does just enough to drive me a tad crazy. I actually don't worry about her dropping by or anything. I worry about him constantly being at his moms house. She's divorced and had guy troubles pretty much his whole life. He's been forced into the "knight in shining armor" role so to say. When she needs a man, he's the person she calls. but she does it for EVERYTHING. leaky sink: calls her son, dead mouse: calls her son, problems with anything: calls her son. I don't want to be seen as trying to come in between them and their relationship, but I was excited that it would be... more controlled when we finally got our own place and now... with it being literally right across the street...

We've been together for 10 years, married for 2.5... at our wedding she got drunk and cried on my dads shoulder about how her favorite child (in front of his two sisters and brother) was married now... only time she's really let her real feelings show... like I said I love her, she's treated me better then her own daughters, we're closer then her and her own daughters... maybe I'm over reacting...


help! please!!!

Re: Perfect Home...next to my MIL

  • I know house hunting can be tough, but is the house across the street really THAT unusual of a good deal?  Or with some more looking could you find another beautiful home for the right price and right size?  Or perhaps even a fixer upper for a lower price that could be a beautiful home with some upgrades/rehab.  And then you should have the bonus of some built-in equity also.

    I personally wouldn't want to live across the street from my own parents and/or in-laws...even if they were wonderful people (my mom is wonderful, my H's parents died before we were married and I never met them).

    Then again, am I understanding that you all used to live in the same duplex as her?  I would think living across the street from her would be exactly like that.  However much your H popped over then, is going to be the same if you all are across the street.

    Weigh how much that drove you nuts vs. the great house across the street.  The other thing to keep in mind is...if you all lived 5-10 miles away and in a different neighborhood, would that even change your H's behavior at all?

    As for the general problem of him being at her beck and call, that's a discussion you need to have with your H.  I had a long-term b/f, like you are describing your H, in my younger days and I know exactly what you are talking about.  So many times I'd think to myself, "OMG, can you not do the littlest things yourself?  You're a grown woman.  Geez!"  But he needs to be the one to put his foot down with her, not you.   Maybe if you all set parameters together?  Like, unless there is an emergency, Tuesdays-Thursdays-Fridays he stays put at home (or the two of you go out together).  And, if a leaky sink pops up, he schedules a convenient time later that week to fix it for her.  Or, latest emotional turmoil, he listens briefly on the phone...let's her know he needs to get going...but how about I (and/or @TinStarling5958) stop by your house for coffee on (insert day).

    TinStarling5958
  • Thank you for the response @short+sassy! I really appreciate it. You're right I probably do need to bring it up with him, I've tried to gently broach the subject in the past and he doesn't see the behavior at all... to him I'm being ridiculous about the idea of living across from his mom. He can't see why I'm worried about it at all. We live in a smaller town so living close to one set of parents was highly likely, I just didn't think it would be within 2yards or less :\...

    If I wasn't so worried about the above mentioned situation, it could turn out great for us & kiddos in the future. We'd be the last two houses on the street and the street dead ends into a yard that is her property... I'd feel so safe letting them play outside and of course babysitting and things like that would be so awesome... I just have this minor terror in my gut that I can't decide if I'm overreacting (which I can let my emotions get the best of me)...  

  • A flip side to this is MIL is only getting older. So, as she ages she will likely call on your DH even more. That could work to your benefit if she's so close by, versus DH having to drive someplace to assist. A 15 minute pop over to help your MIL could then turn into 30 or 45 minutes to help MIL when your DH has to drive there and back. 

    My FIL's mom lives 10 minutes from FIL and MIL. Of her 3 sons, he is the only one close by. She calls on him a lot. She's also in her mid-80s.

    Just providing another angle to think on.
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards