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not measuring up to sister in law

My brothers wife has always favored her family compared to ours but since my nephew was born 2 years ago I thought we had gotten a lot closer. I see them very often, atleast once a week and I felt as if I could tell her anything. Since she found out her brother and sister in law are expecting their first child its all about her sister in law. I feel like I'm put on the back burner once again and can never measure up. On birthdays she always goes above and beyond to make the other sister in laws birthday known and point out whenever they are together. I've stopped going over there as much because I don't feel as appreciated or like my company is wanted. Is there others that have dealt with this? Am I being too sensitive?

Re: not measuring up to sister in law

  • This is ghastly and ghastlier since there are now little cousins involved.

    Have you thought of having a talk with this young woman? She cannot go around favoring one person and putting you out into left field somewhere.

    This nonsense has to end. its hurting you and causing discord in the family.
  • I haven't said anything about it because I don't want to make things worse. If I disrupt our relationship then I might not be able to see my nephew as often.

    The one thing that bothered me the most is when she went out of her way to text me when her brother and sister in law found out they were expecting. It really hurt because I cannot get pregnant. I know she was excited but my feelings are never taken into consideration.

  • VORVOR member
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    I need more information, TBH.  Can she not have more than one close relative?  Can she not be happy for her SIL along w/ being friends with you?

    I need more.  WIth what you said -I really can't tell if there is an actual issue or if you might just be jealous. 
  • With her SIL being pregnant, the SIL is probably contacting her a lot for advice about the different things she is going through with her pregnancy, because your SIL has been there. From what I can tell at work, at lot of first time mom's ask other mom's questions to find out if they went through different things with their pregnancy & how they dealt with them & they for sure ask questions of experienced mom's after the baby is born. Your SIL is probably excited to have someone to the experiences of motherhood with.

    How long has your SIL known her SIL compared to you? And what is your age different to SIL & what is the age difference from your SIL to her SIL? What I'm getting at, is do they maybe have more in common then you and her. If they have been friends longer then you have known her, that could have a difference too. For example, if they were friends and SIL brother married the friend due to meeting her through your SIL, that probably gives them a special bond.

    Don't stop going over to visit, because how do you expect things to change and to continue to build your relationship with your SIL if you don't see her. Plus think of your relationship with your nephew. You go from seeing him every week & being a regular part of his life to not seeing him. That won't be great for your relationship with him either. Maybe going over every week is a bit much, maybe start back with going over every other week. This way you can see them, but it also gives them a chance to miss you.

  • I mean, yeah of course she is going to be closer her original family over her husband's family ? That is pretty normal.  

    I say start treating her the way you want to be treated.  If you want your birthday acknowledged, then acknowledge hers.  If you want it to be known that you are hanging out together, then you make it known yourself.  For the most part, people treat others how they want to be treated.  

    If you have shown interest in her SIL's pregnancy, maybe she just thought you would want to know the baby's sex ??

    My advice is to give her the benefit of a doubt.  Don't stop the visits and show interest in her life.  Also, you might just have to come to terms with the fact that she is closer to her other SILs than she is with you.  This isn't a competition and sometimes people just mesh better with some than they do others.  
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