Politics & Current Events
Dear Community,

Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.

If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.

Thank you.

Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.

Friend trying to start a political arguement with my mother on Facebook

Some might relate...aging parents posting political jokes on Facebook are bound to upset some. Mine is one!  She posted a joke two weeks ago.  It is something she rarely does. She does not truly understand what the "share" button even does and how it stays on her timeline. A friend of mine (25 year friendship) responded to her joke in a very demeaning and condescending manner. I was not upset about it first because, well, her joke would be offensive to some. But, she is my mom.  If the roles were reversed and I replied to his mother he would tear me a new one. I scroll past jokes all the time I do not agree with. So a few days later, I decided to reply to my friend to test the waters under her post. Perhaps he was having an off day?  Maybe he didn't see that it was my elderly mother?  It happens!  So I just said casually my mom posted it as a joke.  Not to be taken seriously.  He got very angry with me and further disrespected my mom.  I decided not to respond. Due to he and I activating the post again, it turned up in the newsfeed which then got my sisters attention and her grown kids--ANGRY family now.  So, I decided to go into her account (with her permission) and block this friend from talking to her. She had 99 notifications lol. His words would have never reached her even though he really tried. Now he and I are not ok. Am I right to feel he crossed a line even though I do not always agree with my mother?  

Re: Friend trying to start a political arguement with my mother on Facebook

  • I'm so sorry this happened to you and your mom! It's not fair. Seems like people have grown so intolerant of others' opinions these days. Your friend could have done the mature thing and scrolled past her post. Since when do we all have to think the same? I feel like some people would be happy if our first amendment rights were removed.

    Yes. I think you are in the right to be upset.
  • I think a few things about this situation.

    1. I think some people online feel emboldened by their computers and smart devices to say whatever they want to others, even if they'd NEVER, ever say it to their faces. So it seems like this guy is one of those people.

    2. I have also noticed that some people pick "easy targets." Rather than having a meaningful conversation or a discussion, they pick on someone whom they perceive as weaker than them and they go into attack mode...it's kind of a bully thing.

    3. That all said, if people do post jokes on FB, about ANY topic, not just politics, then people need to realize it opens them up to negative responses. I hear you on your mom being older and not fully understanding the way FB works. But, she is still responsible for her posts and the content of them and since FB is an open forum, like a public square, just as your om has a right to post what she wants, they guy can post what he wants too.

    4. Jokes are tough territory. Jokes tend to be insulting, especially political ones. So basically your mom likely "insulted" people by posting the joke in the first place. How can she/you not expect to be insulted back?

    5. This guy showed his true colors. And, out of respect for your friendship of 25 years, and the fact that this woman is your mother, I still think he should have held his tongue.


  • I would have blocked him too.  I don't post political jokes on FB, but I do see them but don't take offense.  I try not to talk about politics on FB for reasons like this.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I think a few things about this situation.

    1. I think some people online feel emboldened by their computers and smart devices to say whatever they want to others, even if they'd NEVER, ever say it to their faces. So it seems like this guy is one of those people.

    2. I have also noticed that some people pick "easy targets." Rather than having a meaningful conversation or a discussion, they pick on someone whom they perceive as weaker than them and they go into attack mode...it's kind of a bully thing.

    3. That all said, if people do post jokes on FB, about ANY topic, not just politics, then people need to realize it opens them up to negative responses. I hear you on your mom being older and not fully understanding the way FB works. But, she is still responsible for her posts and the content of them and since FB is an open forum, like a public square, just as your om has a right to post what she wants, they guy can post what he wants too.

    4. Jokes are tough territory. Jokes tend to be insulting, especially political ones. So basically your mom likely "insulted" people by posting the joke in the first place. How can she/you not expect to be insulted back?

    5. This guy showed his true colors. And, out of respect for your friendship of 25 years, and the fact that this woman is your mother, I still think he should have held his tongue.


    Oh so true!!!
  • Me too vlagrl29. Which is why I decided to make up an account on here.  I cannot really talk to anyone about this who I know personally without it causing more drama. I don't need other close friends involved.  Even my best friend is very close to him.   I do not need more family members upset either. I truly am one of those types who keeps her mouth shut. My husband took his words hard. He took them as a direct hit on how much he doesn't respect me as a friend. He unfriended him a few days ago. I have decided to as well tonight. I will admit it does hurt!  Been through a lot together but admittedly this is not the first or even the second time he has lashed out on me personally when he himself is under personal stress. I usually stick by him, not taking it personal. But it's my mom.  I was conflicted for the same reason MommyLiberty pointed out. Those points were all floating in my head over and over for a few days.
  • It's always interesting (and understandable!) that we are typically far more offended and upset when someone hurts someone close to us, rather than ourselves.

    I'm not much of a Facebook person anyway but, in general, if a person can't respect someone's opinion (regardless of the topic) they should politely state their objection or just keep quiet.  As people, we're not always perfect about it, but then he doubled down on his disrespect for your mother.  And I'm assuming what you mean by "disrespect" was a personal attack on her, not an attack on the issue related to the joke.

    But now look at what's happened!  Friendships are damaged/ruined over a joke and a political disagreement.

    I have a close friend for whom her and her parents are largely on the opposite end of me on both the political and social spectrum.  I know this about them and don't usually bring up politics.  They talk about politics all the time.  I'll politely call them out if they are making statements that are factually untrue.  But usually, I just listen to their conversation, and will occasionally throw out my opinion in a calm "I see what you're saying and agree with X, but have you thought about Y,Z? I feel..."

    However, I am just not going to get into a fight over politics with them.  They have their opinions, I have mine.  They are usually polar opposites.  And that's just the way it is.  But they are all lovely, good people who I've known for over 20 years no election/political issue is worth getting into an ugly fight about.  So I typically just bite my tongue and "bean dip".  To use a "Knot" phrase, lol. 

  • Hey for all the nerds out there-read  The Righteous Mind: Why Good People Are Divided by Politics and Religion by Jonathan Haidt. My psychology professor lived by that book.

     

  • You have a right to be angry, especially that he continued the agreement. People are entitled to their opinions and if your mom thinks something is funny, she should feel free to post it on her facebook page. I have had friends that I have blocked from view, but not unfriended, because of things on their facebook page. And I expect to have to block from view a few other people as we get closer to the presidential election. My feeling is that they are entitled to their opinions, as I am mine. But I don't have to be subject to their vents (or in other cases all their facebook game posts) so I just block them from view. After the elections, I'll unblock those who I removed from view due to political differences. I figure it's best for our friendships not to start the big political debates.

    short+sassy
  • The saddest thing about this is people have become so intolerant of the opinions of others. I've never seen our nation so divided in my life.
  • Erikan73 said:

    You have a right to be angry, especially that he continued the agreement. People are entitled to their opinions and if your mom thinks something is funny, she should feel free to post it on her facebook page. I have had friends that I have blocked from view, but not unfriended, because of things on their facebook page. And I expect to have to block from view a few other people as we get closer to the presidential election. My feeling is that they are entitled to their opinions, as I am mine. But I don't have to be subject to their vents (or in other cases all their facebook game posts) so I just block them from view. After the elections, I'll unblock those who I removed from view due to political differences. I figure it's best for our friendships not to start the big political debates.


    Great idea!
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards