Relationships
Dear Community,

Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.

If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.

Thank you.

Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.

I know he bought a ring but it's been 3 weeks!!

So, my live in bf has been asking me random questions about what type of ring and wedding I'd want over the last few months. I even caught him sizing my finger with a zip tie one morning and pretended I was still asleep. I know he ordered a ring and got it about 3 weeks ago cuz of the size and shape of the package but he stuck it in a backpack he takes back and forth to work everyday. I asked him about it cuz he has always told me in the past what he ordered and why without me asking but he blows me off in a cute or funny way so I drop it not wanting to ruin anything for him but I don't know how much longer I can wait. I could even get in the bag on any given night and look so that maybe it'll stop driving me nuts. That way at least I'll be 100% sure but at the same time I'll ruin whatever he's planning or have 100 ?'s as to what's taking him so long. We get along with each other's parents and kids. There's no unresolved issues between us but it would be his 3rd marriage and my 2nd. So, what could he be waiting on??

Re: I know he bought a ring but it's been 3 weeks!!

  • Smgadore said:
    So, my live in bf has been asking me random questions about what type of ring and wedding I'd want over the last few months. I even caught him sizing my finger with a zip tie one morning and pretended I was still asleep. I know he ordered a ring and got it about 3 weeks ago cuz of the size and shape of the package but he stuck it in a backpack he takes back and forth to work everyday. I asked him about it cuz he has always told me in the past what he ordered and why without me asking but he blows me off in a cute or funny way so I drop it not wanting to ruin anything for him but I don't know how much longer I can wait. I could even get in the bag on any given night and look so that maybe it'll stop driving me nuts. That way at least I'll be 100% sure but at the same time I'll ruin whatever he's planning or have 100 ?'s as to what's taking him so long. We get along with each other's parents and kids. There's no unresolved issues between us but it would be his 3rd marriage and my 2nd. So, what could he be waiting on??

    Has his schedule been super busy? It could be he is simply waiting for the right moment to make the moment special. I know it's hard but I'd just sit tight and just enjoy your time together.
    short+sassy
  • edited February 2016
    Smgadore said:
    So, my live in bf has been asking me random questions about what type of ring and wedding I'd want over the last few months. I even caught him sizing my finger with a zip tie one morning and pretended I was still asleep. I know he ordered a ring and got it about 3 weeks ago cuz of the size and shape of the package but he stuck it in a backpack he takes back and forth to work everyday. I asked him about it cuz he has always told me in the past what he ordered and why without me asking but he blows me off in a cute or funny way so I drop it not wanting to ruin anything for him but I don't know how much longer I can wait. I could even get in the bag on any given night and look so that maybe it'll stop driving me nuts. That way at least I'll be 100% sure but at the same time I'll ruin whatever he's planning or have 100 ?'s as to what's taking him so long. We get along with each other's parents and kids. There's no unresolved issues between us but it would be his 3rd marriage and my 2nd. So, what could he be waiting on??

    You will have to ask him....and ask him straight away, if you know he definitely purchased a ring for you. It could be some other item, maybe even for his mother or somebody else!

    Never ever surprise a woman with a ring. Not even if you know she will like it.

    The only way 100% satisfaction guaranteed will be accomplished: if you choose the ring. YOu will be the one wearing it for many years --- it should be something you are thrilled about and love without reservation.

    (he can still propose. He can purchase the ring and then propose to you later on, after he's got the ring in hand when he makes his purchase)

    What he should have done:

    Taken you shopping for the ring you want!

    Sit down with each other, once marriage is immmient and discuss how much he can spend right now and what kind of a ring you want.

    And you shop around for it, as per his budget, and you view all possible venues: loose diamond, Diamond district, maybe having a fantastic ring you like copied and set with the diamond he an afford...or maybe you want a gemstone.

    Wherever it is and whatever it is you want: it is up to him to please YOU.:)

    Whatever it is you want:

    It is up to him to please you and the 2 of you should be a team about the ring choice. This is the basis for your marriage: being a team.

    I say he should spend what he can afford right now in cash --- it will cost phenomenally more if he finances that ring via a credit card.

    (This is why guys should save their money very early on, even if there is no girl in sight --- earmarking $20 per week starting at age 20 (given he's got a part time job) will get him a nice little piece of change in 5 years or so when the girl does come along)

    A third marriage for him and a second for you?

    Uh, wow --- get counseling now before you are married. A possible third marriage for him is a  lot...and you'd better know the reason why his first 2 marriages ended. he should be honest with you about that.
  • The most beautiful ring I saw:

    It was a solitare with just one stone. It had a halo of very small diamonds set around the perimeter -- and the setting wasn't even an invisible one; it was something a bit different and you cold not tell those little diamond were there until you eamined it with a jeweler's loop.

    It shone like the sun; the solitaire diamond itself was a bit over a carat in size.

    The price of the ring was $2800.

    What a fantastic buy for somebody; it was purchased after a few weeks. 
  • Be patient.  My DH made researching rings and shopping no secret, but every time he asked me to rate a ring from 1 to 10, it was never higher than an 8.  Finally he asked me what it would take to make the ring a 10, and I told him the only 10 in my book would be the one he chose for me.  I knew it was coming but a few months after, he stopped mentioning rings at all.  Any talk of potential wedding was quickly redirected.  So I let it go.  I knew he was saving, or he wasn't ready, and either way I would wait.  He planned a romantic trip to Charleston, in a gorgeous hotel overlooking the bay and asked on the last night in front of the fireplace in our room.  I had been so anxious for it to come, but he wanted to make every detail perfect.  It was so worth the wait!  And the ring was a definite 10.  Just be patient.  If you know he's the one, and he knows the same about you, let him make it perfect for you.  
    short+sassy
  • VORVOR
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    member
    Just relax.  You know it's coming.  He clearly wants to make it a surprise.  respect that.  Back off.
    short+sassy
  • VOR said:
    Just relax.  You know it's coming.  He clearly wants to make it a surprise.  respect that.  Back off.
    Agreed......
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • So I am the only one who is from the "100% satisfaction guaranteed only if he takes her shopping for the item" school, then?

    It is something you should pick out together, inasmuch as that you and he are a team. She should know his budget and he should ensure that what she chooses will be exactly what she wants and what will make her happy.

    He should be keeping you  and your happiness.in mind. You are his priority.
  • So I am the only one who is from the "100% satisfaction guaranteed only if he takes her shopping for the item" school, then?

    It is something you should pick out together, inasmuch as that you and he are a team. She should know his budget and he should ensure that what she chooses will be exactly what she wants and what will make her happy.

    He should be keeping you  and your happiness.in mind. You are his priority.

    Your opinion certainly isn't held by everyone. I wasn't involved in the design of my ring and his proposal was a complete surprise. I loved both and wouldn't have it any other way.
    HeartlandHustle | Personal Finance and Betterment Blog  
    marriedhamstermomVOR
  • als1982 said:
    So I am the only one who is from the "100% satisfaction guaranteed only if he takes her shopping for the item" school, then?

    It is something you should pick out together, inasmuch as that you and he are a team. She should know his budget and he should ensure that what she chooses will be exactly what she wants and what will make her happy.

    He should be keeping you  and your happiness.in mind. You are his priority.

    Your opinion certainly isn't held by everyone. I wasn't involved in the design of my ring and his proposal was a complete surprise. I loved both and wouldn't have it any other way.

    I showed DH some rings I liked back when we were just dating. We had discussed marriage but after that kind of stopped and he told me he needed to save. Well a few weeks later he surprised me with the perfect proposal and perfect ring. It was similar to one I'd shown him but he designed this one. Is it what I would have picked? No probably not but I'd much rather have this one! I also loved the surprise and seeing the ring for the first time. If couples want to pick it out together that's fine but I'm glad he picked a ring for me!
    short+sassy
  • So I am the only one who is from the "100% satisfaction guaranteed only if he takes her shopping for the item" school, then?

    It is something you should pick out together, inasmuch as that you and he are a team. She should know his budget and he should ensure that what she chooses will be exactly what she wants and what will make her happy.

    He should be keeping you  and your happiness.in mind. You are his priority.
    I don't have a strong opinion on "satisfaction guaranteed," but if I was planning on marrying someone (i.e. combine finances), I would sure as hell want to have a budget discussion around a $1000+ purchase!
    image
  • VORVOR
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    member
    So I am the only one who is from the "100% satisfaction guaranteed only if he takes her shopping for the item" school, then?

    It is something you should pick out together, inasmuch as that you and he are a team. She should know his budget and he should ensure that what she chooses will be exactly what she wants and what will make her happy.

    He should be keeping you  and your happiness.in mind. You are his priority.
    Different strokes.  I too had no say in the ring DH bought me and I'm fine with that.  I loved what he picked out. 

    Every relationship out there is different and what works for some people doesn't work for others.  Doesn't make anyone wrong.  it's just different. 
  • edited March 2016
    I don't have a strong opinion on "satisfaction guaranteed," but if I was planning on marrying someone (i.e. combine finances), I would sure as hell want to have a budget discussion around a $1000+ purchase!


    He should be telling you straightaway what his budget for a ring is. He should do this when it's imminent you and he are going to be married. (wht you just said falls under the heading of "satisfaction guaranteed) :)

    And from there you make the purchase -- - shop around. There are many great bargains for that amount..and there are also clearance items and loose diamonds.


  • I would have been so hurt if H expected me to pick my own ring.  

    The only gift I've ever had any hand in picking was when he got me my pirate garb, and that's because I needed to try it on, and because the Renaissance Faire actually started the weekend after my birthday, so he told me on my birthday that was his present to me, and then we went to get it once we went to Faire.

    I don't believe in picking my own gifts, and I do believe in liking what I'm given.  As it is, H did absolutely perfectly all on his own.  When he started talking rings, I gave him a couple of instructions:  "No heart shaped (unless it's a claddaugh) or pear shaped diamond.  No platinum, because it's too expensive and doesn't make sense to me.  Pretty.  Quality over quantity.  And don't spend too much or I'll kill you."  I told him I didn't care white or yellow gold, didn't care solitaire or side stones, didn't care about anything else.

    And he got me the perfect ring; I've worn it every day and night of my life since July 26, 2008.  It doesn't even "go" with my wedding band (which is tungsten carbide, so it's a different shade of white metal and they don't sit flush together) and I wear the two together all day and night since March 28, 2009, anyway because there's no way in hell I'm giving up wearing either.

    No way would I have wanted to pick it myself or know when it was coming.  I love surprises and I hate people who ruin them.
    You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. ~Mae West
    image
  • als1982 said:
    So I am the only one who is from the "100% satisfaction guaranteed only if he takes her shopping for the item" school, then?

    It is something you should pick out together, inasmuch as that you and he are a team. She should know his budget and he should ensure that what she chooses will be exactly what she wants and what will make her happy.

    He should be keeping you  and your happiness.in mind. You are his priority.

    Your opinion certainly isn't held by everyone. I wasn't involved in the design of my ring and his proposal was a complete surprise. I loved both and wouldn't have it any other way.
    Suppose I tell you guys I hated my engagement ring?

    *sigh* he went right ahead and chose it minus my input --- he got me yellow gold and he knew I did not prefer any metal that was yellow. 

    I never liked the ring --- of course, I never told him --- the whole point is this:

    Whatever makes you happy is what works for you:

    Whether that is "he picks the ring and I leave it up to him" or "I do not want a ring" or "I prefer a gemstone" or "I have always loved the idea of a solitaire with no side stones and no semimount" or "I want a black diamond."...whatever it is YOU want he is to ensure you are happy with the final result.
  • I picked out my engagement and I'm glad.

    My husband sucks at choosing gifts!


  • "Whatever makes you happy is what works for you:

    Whether that is "he picks the ring and I leave it up to him" or "I do not want a ring" or "I prefer a gemstone" or "I have always loved the idea of a solitaire with no side stones and no semimount" or "I want a black diamond."...whatever it is YOU want he is to ensure you are happy with the final result."

    Exactly, which is why your:

    "What he should have done:

    Taken you shopping for the ring you want!"

    isn't so.

    I got lucky and married the best gift-giver on the planet.
    You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. ~Mae West
    image
  • GilliCGilliC
    Ancient Membership 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    edited March 2016
    LD1970 said:

    I got lucky and married the best gift-giver on the planet.
    You married Santa?!?!  :D
    image
    short+sassy
  • GilliC said:
    LD1970 said:

    I got lucky and married the best gift-giver on the planet.
    You married Santa?!?!  :D
    Shhhhhhhh!  Good grief, you're not supposed to TELL.
    You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. ~Mae West
    image
  • I really wanted him to pick the ring.  I have always loved the thought of it being a surprise, and I wanted to know what he envisioned for me.  He knew I liked sapphires but wanted a traditional diamond for the center stone.  He knew I like vintage styles, but wanted a new ring with a vintage look.  He knew I only wear silver and white gold jewelry so the metal was a given.  He asked me to choose three stone shapes I would be happy with, and then he chose the rest.  Art deco style ring with a cushion cut center stone and baguette sapphires on the side.  It is more beautiful than anything I had seen online or in any other stores.  He helped design it, and it's one of a kind.  I was truly afraid before he opened the box that I might hate it and would never be able to tell him, but my perfect match knew the perfect ring for me.  It's not what is right for everyone. but it was the moment I imagined and he hoped for.  
    TarponMonoxide
  • I really wanted him to pick the ring.  I have always loved the thought of it being a surprise, and I wanted to know what he envisioned for me.  He knew I liked sapphires but wanted a traditional diamond for the center stone.  He knew I like vintage styles, but wanted a new ring with a vintage look.  He knew I only wear silver and white gold jewelry so the metal was a given.  He asked me to choose three stone shapes I would be happy with, and then he chose the rest.  Art deco style ring with a cushion cut center stone and baguette sapphires on the side.  It is more beautiful than anything I had seen online or in any other stores.  He helped design it, and it's one of a kind.  I was truly afraid before he opened the box that I might hate it and would never be able to tell him, but my perfect match knew the perfect ring for me.  It's not what is right for everyone. but it was the moment I imagined and he hoped for.  
    See? Then it worked out great for you!

    It's all about what you want and that you get what you want.

    Awhile back, I saw a very young couple looking for an engagement ring. They were goth so she wanted a black diamond.:)

    In a pinch, an onyx also would have been fabulous for a center stone -- one of my favorites and I have an onyx and diamond ring. 
  • The right moment! My hubby had the ring for 3 months before he proposed. First he asked my parents permission. Then he was going to do it at an event we volunteer at, until he found out that 3 different couples we know all got engaged the same way. So then it was trying to figure out the right place & time. Well he decided he wanted to do it at Niagara Falls and we would stay in Canada, so he had to get a passport. That took a few weeks. Relax, and enjoy the anticipating & just keep those nails looking great at all times because you won't know when it could be that special time.
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards