Family Matters
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Family & Friends

Hi, I'm looking for some advice as to whether I am right to feel hurt or maybe I am wrong.  My brother and his family recently moved here from another state.  They live about 25 minutes away from me and my husband.  Since they are new in town whenever my friends have invited my husband and I over for dinner or a get together  I have asked if I can invite my brother and his family and when they say yes then I invite them and they come and spend some time with us.  Well, I was at one of those friends house last night and they asked what they should bring Saturday to my brother's house and I said what do you mean so she said Oh your brother invited all of us to his house for dinner on Saturday, you didn't know?  and I said no so she asked if it was ok for them to go and I said of course.  But when I got home I started crying because I think why would he invite all of my friends to his home for dinner and not me?  Am I right to feel upset or am I being a baby?

Re: Family & Friends

  • I would be upset too.  

    Have you had problems in the past with your brother and/ or his wife ?
  • Nope, in fact we've always gotten along and actually last night she was texting me asking about tickets I got them for a museum and didn't mention anything at all.

    A few weeks ago he invited my dad and my sister over for dinner and not me and another time he invited my other brother and his wife and my sister and her boyfriend and not me so that is why I'm upset because I feel like I'm being singled out.  I mentioned something to him with the two previous occasions and he said he forgot to invite me.  So am I forgettable? I don't understand.

  • Sounds like he is blowing smoke up your butt.

    I would politely ask him about the current party, but I also wouldn't go out of your way to include him in things either.  

    I mean I understand that sometimes families don't have to invite everyone over all of the time.  It is ok to have smaller and more intimate gatherings.  But to have all of your friends over and not include you is just plain weird.  
    short+sassy
  • Isn't it?  After I started crying I was thinking to myself that maybe I was wrong for being hurt? And then I thought no, I'm not wrong these are my friends and how would he feel if I did that to him?
    short+sassy
  • Ha, maybe you could just show up.  If he says anything just say " Oh, I figured you forgot to invite us like the last time.""
  • things like these --- you are all of a sudden NOT a guest at a party or a get together --- have always mystified me and pissed me off.

    Sure, I'd be mad, too. I second Disney: just show up. That ought to fix his little red wagon, and also fix his clock and also bring him down a buttonhole lower or 3.
  • Normally I am on the side of people can invite whomever they want to whatever event, even though sometimes it can lead to hurt feelings.  But, in this case, that is just weird.  I mean, maybe he now considers these people his friends also and wants to get to know them better on an individual term?  That I could see if it was just one couple friend he was inviting but, since it sounds like a group, I'm mystified also.

    I'd bring it up with him and/or his wife, ahead of time.  Find out their reasoning and let them know you are hurt.  Not in an angry way, but in a sane discussion way of trying to understand.

  • Yeah, I'd talk to him about it ahead of time.  Honestly- he needs to be called out.  It doesn't have to be mean or anything, but yeah, I'd ask why I wasn't invited.

    These are YOUR friends who you introduce him to. To invite them but not you?  I'd be pissed- really pissed, TBH.  To me, this is about common courtesy - he should absolutely be including you. If it weren't for you, he wouldn't even know them.

    Past that, I will say that if he wants to just invite your dad and sister, or your brother and sister, he can actually do that w/o it ALWAYS having to be the entire family.  Now, of course, the fact that it seems to always be YOU that he doesn't invite... I feel that's weird and big picture , I do get why you're upset.

    But I would focus on this ONE event and directly ask him "why are you invitng all my friends over, who *I* introduced you to, but not me?".
    Disneygeek77short+sassy
  • I'm not sure what kind of relationship you have with your dad or your sister, but do either of them have any idea what's going on?  Or might be able to ask?
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    MommyLiberty5013
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