Relationships
Dear Community,

Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.

If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.

Thank you.

Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.

Newlywed Depression

Hi all, I'm sure this has been discussed before but I wanted to tell my story and see if anyone can give advice? 
I've been married about 2 months now and am experiencing just the deepest, saddest bout of depression. We had a very small simple wedding and a nice honeymoon and settled into a little house. 

He is a wonderful man and constantly affirms his love for me and is very affectionate and loving and constantly helps around the house. 

However, I feel horrible that I'm in such a sad state of mind. I try my best not to show it and cry a lot in my car, but it's really draining all the joy from me. 
I know a big part is that I was used to living very close to my family and community and when we get married, we moved several hours away. 


I'm just wondering if anyone has a similar situation, and does this feeling go away? Because right now, I cry into my pillow at night and just feel this sadness that nothing in my life will ever be on again 

Re: Newlywed Depression

  • I understand and it's not uncommon when you have left everything you knew behind.  However, when you said I do, you chose to put him before anything else, and that includes your family.  A friend of mine had a similar issue when she moved 12 hours away from her large family to a small town in the South. She loved her husband and he was very understanding and sympathetic but the depression didn't go away.  Finally she went to a psychiatrist and getting a perspective from someone who wasn't in her family back home missing her, and someone who wasn't trying to give her a glass half full perspective about her new situation helped.  If the depression gets to the point where you are thinking of leaving, I would recommend seeking professional help first.  The psychiatrist helped guide her when weighing her options and he reminded her the outcome was completely in her control.  Whether she stayed or left, it was totally up to her.  But she needed to be mindful of the consequences with whatever choice she made.  She stayed and they built a life together, and she's never looked back.  
    short+sassy
  • You should visit a doctor anyway - this sounds like clinical depression, which can be treated. I know because I have experienced it myself. Please don't delay! Your sadness at moving away from your family should be tempered by your happiness with your husband but that doesn't seem to be the case, which is what makes me think it is more than just "the blues".
    short+sassyTarponMonoxide
  • I think, to an extent, most newly married people feel a bit of a let down after getting married and coming back from a honeymoon.  Because for a lot of people, preparing for a wedding and a honeymoon consumes a good part of their lives.  So, after the events have happened, it's like there is a bit of a void left.

    For yourself, I'm sure immediately moving several hours away from your friends and family has exacerbated that.

    I agree with the other PPs to see a counselor.  Your sadness seems to be at an extreme level, especially for being a newlywed.  Which makes me think there might even be a physical/hormonal component to your depression.

    I hate to use a lame example like this, because I know what you are going through is so much more, but its the best way I can relate.  A couple times a year, my hormones will go just a little too off kilter during my period.  At those times, I feel so depressed and despondent about everything.  I know, logically, my life is just fine and that I'll feel just fine in a few days.  But even knowing that, it doesn't matter.  Nothing will lift the utter sadness I feel. 

    I also suffer from Type I diabetes and occasionally have low blood sugar.  When my blood sugar is low, I feel very upset and anxious.  The littlest things upset me.  Fortunately, some juice or Coke...plus about 15 minutes...and I'm fine again.

    But those are just two examples of how strong the relationship between our minds and our bodies can be.  And sometimes the littlest shifts in the body can have a drastic effect on our moods.

  • edited February 2016
    You should visit a doctor anyway - this sounds like clinical depression, which can be treated. I know because I have experienced it myself. Please don't delay! Your sadness at moving away from your family should be tempered by your happiness with your husband but that doesn't seem to be the case, which is what makes me think it is more than just "the blues".
    I would suggest the above and  I also suggest you get busy.:)

    Busy that is, with finding something fun and constructive to do in your new community. Look into activities where you will have something fun to do and where you'll make a couple of new friends, also.

    If you don't hve a hobby: get one.:) We all need a way to blow off steam.

    Wishing you luck.
    short+sassy
  • I agree with Tarpon, do some research on things to do in the area through your city community board, find some parks with activities, or even a craft store that has classes for things you like to do or are interested in trying. Pretend you are tourist in your new area, do some research online on the different things in your area or even within an hour of it that you would want to explore. Also if you can get an entertainment/coupon book for your area, it may give you ideas on fun places for you and your husband to go and try together. Then make it a point each weekend to go to a new place. Be it a restaurant, museum, or even a walk in a new park.

    And I also agree, seeing a counselor could be helpful too. It sounds like you have a supportive husband who wants you to be happy. I would guess he would be supportive of this. Because if you are happy, so is the marriage.  

    short+sassy
  • Busy that is, with finding something fun and constructive to do in your new community. Look into activities where you will have something fun to do and where you'll make a couple of new friends, also.

    If you don't hve a hobby: get one.:) We all need a way to blow off steam.
    I would double this.  Back home you had friends to hang out with, probably a routine of various activities.  What are you now doing aside from sitting at home?

    Not to mention, several hours isn't all that far away.  Nationwide calling is free on just about any cell phone plan these days, plus most smart phones have video conferencing.  So you can still call and talk to friends and family.  Plan a day/weekend trip back to see people.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • I am so grateful to hear your replies. Thank you for your kind words and being supportive, but also speaking truth. I do believe that at this point, seeing a counselor is a necessity. Thank you for pointing these out. And short+sassy, thank you for pointing out the hormone side of things. I switched to a new birth control right before the wedding and I'm wondering if that is making a difference.
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards