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Telling my controlling parents that I'm moving out?

Today is my 18th birthday and sometime next month I'm moving in with my boyfriend of 2 years. He's 20. My parents are so controlling and emotionally abusive and I can't take it anymore. How do I go about telling them that I'm leaving??

Re: Telling my controlling parents that I'm moving out?

  • LURKER

    Are you still in high school?  If so, then you may not be able to move out without your parents' consent depending on where you live.

    If you're not in high school (either graduated or drop out) then tell your parents, "Mom, Dad, I love you both very much, but I'm an adult now.  I have a full time job that will cover my medical insurance and medical expenses including birth control and any emergencies, rent, utility bills, food, and will let me save for the future.  I am able to cover these expenses without any help from my boyfriend.  That being said, I'd like to get my own place.  After I live on my own for at least one year, I may consider moving in with my boyfriend.  I have researched apartments in the area that I can afford and have made up a mock budget [present them with spread sheet of projected income/expenses].  I'd love for you two to look over it and let me know if there's anything I missed."
  • edited January 2016
    Nnyl97 said:
    Today is my 18th birthday and sometime next month I'm moving in with my boyfriend of 2 years. He's 20. My parents are so controlling and emotionally abusive and I can't take it anymore. How do I go about telling them that I'm leaving??
    Oh, hell NO.

    Why?

    You are MUCH too young for a live-in relationship with a boyfriend!

    You should be out there dating and enjoying life and doing things with your girlfrends --- they used to call this "sowing your wild oats."

    What you are really doing: running away from your parents.

    I have never seen it fail: they run off and live with a guy (or girl) or they get knocked up and "have" to get married.  All because they don't like it where Mommy and Daddy live.

    Willing to bet you dropped out of high school, too: you are not that smart.


    What you need to do:

    Move out --- and in, with 2 or 3 roommates, not some dumb 20 year old boy. Get yourself a full time job and rent an apartment with 2 or 3 people.

    I wonder if "controlling and abusive" means "My parents make rules and I do not like it. I want to just do what the hell I want"??? Hm.....
  • Move out --- and in, with 2 or 3 roommates, not some dumb 20 year old boy. Get yourself a full time job and rent an apartment with 2 or 3 people.

    I wonder if "controlling and abusive" means "My parents make rules and I do not like it. I want to just do what the hell I want"??? Hm.....
    This....and this....
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • I ran away from home at 17. My guardians (I hadn't lived with my parents for years by then) were abusive physically and mentally. I ran with my girlfriend 200 miles to the beach in her little Nissan Sentra and to this day there is not a happier moment in my life than when I first laid in that cool sand and realized my torment was over. My gfs and I relationship did not last much longer, she drove me to my sisters house and left me there. We tried to have a long distance relationship, but it didn't work. I got a job and my own apartment. I started school and got an associates degree. I'm working on a bachelors now. I have a wonderful gf, a great surrogate family that I assembled from the wonderful people I met here, two cars, all the electronics I could ask for, and enough food to last me years.

    To all of those who say not do do it, I'm sorry, but you're wrong. If you're really being abused, leave. Your relationship may not last, but your freedom from your abusers will. Be strong though, don't be tempted by shortcuts. Get a job, even if it's a sh**ty one. Work hard, it'll pay off. Find people who love and support you and make them your family. Leave those abusive people in your past and find the strength to rise above what they tried to teach you.
  • Just make sure that this is the right thing for you. Do you have an adult that you can talk to that would be an unbiased 3rd party? Maybe a parent of a friend? Maybe they can give you advice on why your parents are the way they are and either confirm for you that they are abusive and over controlling. You didn't provide us with enough details to how your parents are abusive and over controlling for me to make judgement one way or the other.

    I know it sucks to live with parents who are controlling. But with being 18 and moving out just be prepared for the following.

    • How are you going to support yourself financially? Are you going to work full time? Will a part time job provide you with enough money to cover your half of the monthly expenses along with your cell phone, transportation needs (be it bus or car/insurance/gas)
    • If you plan to go to college, what are your plans to pay for that
    • What are you going to do for health insurance? If you get sick, going to the doctor can be a very expensive trip if you don't have insurance

    The reason I bring this all up is that if you are 18 and no longer living under their roof, they don't have to provide any of the above items for you anymore. You need to make sure that not only are you emotionally ready to leave, but that you are financially ready to leave. Just because you have been with BF for 2 years, doesn't mean it couldn't end in a year from now. Living together brings a whole new side to a relationship and you find out things you didn't know about the other before. If you are ready for that, then what I would do is start moving out things to your BF a little at a time. Then basically tell them when you move the last of your things. But be prepared though to be cut off from your parents.

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