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Any advice?

So, my husband and I have been together for 15 years, married for 3. We just had a baby in May and I thought everything was perfect. About a month ago he tells me that he's not happy, and hasn't been for some time. He said that he's not happy with work and home life and has thought about leaving but has hope that he will be fine but he doesn't want to feel like this forever. I know that he hasn't cheated and I completely trust him.
I have asked him about going to a couples therapist and he said that he would go but he doesn't seem too into it. I almost think that individual therapy might be better for him because I think he might be depressed. He told me that he doesn't think there is a magic pill he could take to be happy, but I said he would probably benefit from talking to someone.
Has anyone ever been through something like this? Has therapy helped or hurt?

Re: Any advice?

  • The fact that he has thought about leaving really concerns me- has he given you any information? What parts of his home life is he unhappy about? I think that it is normal for people to go through "rough patches" but it is important during these times to be able to talk about what might be causing it- I think in this case therapy definitely can't hurt as there are obviously some things that are unsaid here. 
    Me-27- DH- 38 -Moved to New York* TTC since August 2011, unexplained IF & PCOS HSG - both tubes clear Saline Ultrasound- clear SA- Normal January 2013- Started metformin 1500mg attempting micro IVF 2/8/2013 2/8/2013 Cycle- ganirelix, menopur, gonal F 3/3/2013- ER- 7 Eggs 3/4/2013- All 7 fertilize 3/8- ET
  • We've been talking so much more lately. He has said that he feels like he is always doing things for everyone else and no one ever does anything for him, me included. He feels like he doesn't have any down time once he gets home. It's also tough with a 7 month old because she needs all our attention.
  • Sounds like maybe he needs a night out with the guys?  And like you said, maybe an individual counselor or if you're religious, some time with your pastor.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • What kind of things did he use to do before you got married that made him happy? Did he by chance play on any sports teams or leagues? If so, maybe it would be good for him to get back into that. I get what he is saying, and he's probably guilty of doing what many women are guilty of doing. We put everyone first and never make time for ourselves. And if you do that long enough, you just get burnt out on life.

    For my husband, his time to decompress & relax is to play video games online for 1-2 hours about twice a week. I would recommend talking and maybe trying to come up with a schedule that allows each of you some "me" time at least once a week. It would be good for both of you. And if you can swing it, it would be good to find a babysitter so that at least once a month, you can get out for some couples time. And couples time doesn't have to be an expensive night out, it can be a simple cup of coffee, or a walk in the park, or just going to the beach and absorbing in the sun or going and watching a sunset.

    In regards to his job, talk about what it is at his job that makes him unhappy. Once you figure that out, then start working on trying to figure out what he can do to change it. It may mean him going back to school so that he can either move up into a different position or to start a whole new career. If it's the commute, maybe it's time to find something closer to home, or time to move closer to work. The hardest thing is to figure out what is causing the unhappiness and then developing a plan to improve the situation.

    I agree that some counseling would be a good idea. But I think talking about things above is a great place to start. It sounds like he wants to work on things, else he would have just packed up and left already and not told you his feelings. Good luck!!!

    short+sassy
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