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Newly wed problems

So I'm a newly wed, got married in October. My cleaning abilities aren't the best but I have been working on it trying to make it better. Our bedroom has been kinda messy lately. So I finally get a chance to clean up today... I did the laundry & folded other clothes. My husband comes home from & I thought he'd be elated that I cleaned up. Instead, he bitches because I did laundry a day too early & he wanted his khakis he's wearing tomorrow to be washed tomorrow evening. Like really!? Is it just my husband that does that or is this normal!? I'm almost in tears & don't even wanna cook dinner for his ungrateful ass!

Re: Newly wed problems

  • edited November 2015
    So I'm a newly wed, got married in October. My cleaning abilities aren't the best but I have been working on it trying to make it better. Our bedroom has been kinda messy lately. So I finally get a chance to clean up today... I did the laundry & folded other clothes. My husband comes home from & I thought he'd be elated that I cleaned up. Instead, he bitches because I did laundry a day too early & he wanted his khakis he's wearing tomorrow to be washed tomorrow evening. Like really!? Is it just my husband that does that or is this normal!? I'm almost in tears & don't even wanna cook dinner for his ungrateful ass!
    What is not normal:

    HE is not pitching in and giving 100% to helping you with everything!

    Didn't you and he discuss any of this before you got engaged and when it was imminent that the relationship was going to be one that resulted in a marriage???

    I will bet you he comes from the typical helicopter parent home where his mommy and daddy did everything for him; he need not lift a finger because they did it all...

    And that is where your problems begin.

    He expects you to do it all, just like they did it all.

    Tomorrow -- or better yet, this weekend:

    Sit down with him and you tell him that from here on in all of the household chores and duties are going to be evenly divided between you and him.

    Get a notebook and turn it into a TO DO book and have one page for each day. Use the page "on top" and on each page list what is done daily and then on the appropriate page, the chores done weekly, bi weekly and monthly.

    You know what duties those are: who does the dishes, who takes out the garbage, who cooks dinner, who shops for the groceries, who dusts and vacuums and cleans the bathroom, who does the laundry, etc.

    Have a "couples meeting" every Sunday where you and he will go over the week's list of duties and amicably (that's right, with him giving you no whining, crying or a tantrum) discuss who will do what that week.

    He can't whine "but I work...." We all have jobs and it is up to each one of us to maintain a home that is not a pigsty or one that needs a condemnation from the Board of Health.

    You are not in a marriage to be his maid and he damn well needs to know that now. Do it now before this escalates into a big blow up and screaming match between the 2 of you.

    This is not 1957 anymore; couples are equal partners.
    short+sassy
  • I'm sorry he's an adult and he can't wash his own pants? Just as his mother would say "you want your clothes cleaned a certain way, on a certain day, you do your own laundry."

    With that begin said he has to share the chores, it's 2015.
    TarponMonoxideGilliC
  • I'm sorry he's an adult and he can't wash his own pants? Just as his mother would say "you want your clothes cleaned a certain way, on a certain day, you do your own laundry."

    With that begin said he has to share the chores, it's 2015.
    How dirty could they have gotten? He could go at least 3 times before they need a true washing!

    Stand up for what's right or you will be stuck as his maid forever. he's got no right to expect you to do it all.
  • No, this is not normal.
  • What kind of expectations did the both of you go into marriage with?

    How much wash can there be? there are only 2 of you so one load for the week, perhaps 2?

    Here is a tip -- on Sundays I make one main meal for the entire week --- you and he can do the same and cook the meal together.

    It's something like meatloaf, a turkey breast, lasagna, stuffed cabbage, chili, beef stew or chicken stew or lasagna --- saves time and trouble for the whole week. All you have to do is heat it and serve it with a side.

    It's also something you can brown bag for lunch.

    He's got to pitch in and help. This is not fair to you and he has a shitty expectation of what to expect in a marriage and what to expect from a wife.
  • Um, yeah.  It's 2015.  He's an adult.  He can clean, he can do his own laundry and he can make dinner too. 
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