Sex & Romance
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I want my desire back :(

Just like some of the other posts I've read so far, my husband and i's sex life has lost it's spark. It's mostly me... he still wants it like a typical man does. But I have no desire what so ever. I could go weeks, and probably even months with out and be perfectly content. I don't want to be this way though. It's not fair to him. And it's not normal for a married couple. I'm just not sure how to fix it.. how do i get my sexual desire back? In my mind I want it, but my body tells me no. I believe it started when my self confidence went out the door. It's hard to feel sexy when you've gained a lot of weight since the "dating days". Are there any other women who have been in my shoes? Or who have any tips to spice up the sex life and bring back my desire for it? No negativity please.. it's hard for me as it is to talk about this, let alone ask for help. Thanks! 

Re: I want my desire back :(

  • Just like some of the other posts I've read so far, my husband and i's sex life has lost it's spark. It's mostly me... he still wants it like a typical man does.


    This is the ultimate in 1950s sophistication, the phrase "he still wants it like a typical man does."

    Be more sophisticated. This is 2015.

    Is he doing his part? is there enough foreplay? or is he just jumping on, getting it on, getting off, and jumping off?

    It also looks like there is no communication between the 2 of you: hasn't he approached you about this? Haven't you spoken with him so that the 2 of you can work on this problem together?

    But I have no desire what so ever. I could go weeks, and probably even months with out and be perfectly content. I don't want to be this way though. It's not fair to him. And it's not normal for a married couple. I'm just not sure how to fix it.. how do i get my sexual desire back? 

    In my mind I want it, but my body tells me no. I believe it started when my self confidence went out the door. It's hard to feel sexy when you've gained a lot of weight since the "dating days".

    Are there any other women who have been in my shoes? Or who have any tips to spice up the sex life and bring back my desire for it? No negativity please.. it's hard for me as it is to talk about this, let alone ask for help. Thanks! 
    Your problem can be one of many things: body image, no communication, he's down just having sex and that's all, maybe it's a sexual rut --- it is hard to tell.

    I am guessing you 2 were probably weekend sex only (I don't think you lived together before you got married) --- it can also be possible that you're not a sexual kind of person.

    As I said, it is hard to tell. I don't know the frequency of your sex life before marriage, if you lived together, if he changed, or somehow you fell into a rut or what it is. There's not enough backstory to tell.

    What I suggest:

    Masturbation.

    Have you ever done it? if not, start. You'll find out what turns you on and you're sure to be psyched for sex once you get into masturbation.

    Does he go down on you? IF not, he needs to start immediately.

    If you are concerned about body image, try a diet -- get more exercise -- I don't know how much weight you have gained but I am certain you are not a Sherman tank.

    I don't know what the frequency of your sex life is --- 2 times a week would be great --- don't believe everything ya hear about newlyweds always getting it on.

    You also need to talk with him, if it's so that your sex life has come to a crashing halt. Communication is key. Without it, you have nothing.
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