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Grad school commute


Currently my husband and I live 1hr and 15min from my school. Rent is $500/mo I have a dorm on campus where I stay during the week, and I go home on the weekends. My husband manages a restaurant and works long and crazy hours. He's asleep when I would wake up and leave, I'm asleep when get gets off work. He only gets one day a week off, a rotating Saturday OR Sunday. It made sense to stay on campus bc it was cheaper than gas (dorm is $300 a month). And I use the time j would spend driving studying and weekends with my husband doing NO school work.

His job keeps him from being able to move with me. I'm considering getting rid of the dorm and us moving a bit closer, cutting my commute to 56 minutes each way (w/o traffic) and a place with 2 bedrooms instead of one so that I have a space to study (small town, no where to go outside the home to study) rent will be $800, gas according to fuel economy website will be $250ish a month. My husband is VERY passive and has been ok with this $$ up until just now. Now he thinks it's going to be a financial burden for us to move and for rent to jump from $500 to $800, and the increased fuel cost will be too much.

My program has a TON of things outside of class and often on weeksends.
Having a dorm hasn't hurt our marriage at all, in fact nothing has changed. I do just miss being home and feeling like I have a home. It's just hard on me to pack up every weekend. I feel like I live out of my car and a backpack, and during the week if I'm assigned a project that I need something from home for, or something like that it's pretty stressful. Cooking is also annoying in a dorm, but I can get over that...

Anyways. Sorry for the wordy rant, I guess I'm just curious what everyone else would do in my situation.

Re: Grad school commute

  • The 2 of you will have to work out a compromise --- maybe get a 1 bedroom with a larger living room/great room and you set up a little study nook for yourself.
  • If you move into a place together that is in the middle, with his work schedule, would you really get to see more of him then you do currently? If not, then I would keep things the way they are because you would end up losing 2 hours a day in commuting that you can use for studying or just some down time to yourself. I would also have concerns about what a longer commute could mean to your husband depending on the types of hours he would put in. If he puts in a 10 hour day, then has a 15 minute commute, it's a short safe drive home. But if he has to increase his commuting time a lot, you need to take into consideration how alert is he on his way home. Is he ok for doing a longer commute each day?
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