Sex & Romance
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Newlywed sex rut

My husband and I have been married nearly two months. Prior to the wedding we had a wonderful sex life (about 3 times each week). We were married, went on a fabulous honeymoon, and I feel like we left our sex life on our cruise ship. Immediately after we got back we 'settled in' to married life. I keep trying to keep the honeymoon spark alive by making nice dinners, doing sweet things, and showing how happy I am but I feel like nothing is working. I am totally content in the marriage and I know after a while the spark fades but isn't two months too soon?

Re: Newlywed sex rut

  • I think you probably need to be more explicit. Have a conversation with your husband about how you'd like to find more time for romance. Then pursue him more directly. I know it can be really hard for me to be forward, but nothing supercharges our love life better than me shooting my husband a text during the day letting him know I'll be waiting for him at home in something special. 

    But yeah, I think it's totally normal to slip in to the new routine and forget to make your sex life a priority. All the advice I've seen on the topic says you should be talking regularly about your wants and needs and keep the conversation open. Either you are both feeling the same thing and didn't realize, you are feeling different levels of desire and have to work a little harder to get on the same page, or maybe something is going on health/stress wise. Any of those scenarios need to be a conversation.
    happily85
  • edited October 2015
    happily85 said:
    My husband and I have been married nearly two months. Prior to the wedding we had a wonderful sex life (about 3 times each week). We were married, went on a fabulous honeymoon, and I feel like we left our sex life on our cruise ship. Immediately after we got back we 'settled in' to married life. I keep trying to keep the honeymoon spark alive by making nice dinners, doing sweet things, and showing how happy I am but I feel like nothing is working. I am totally content in the marriage and I know after a while the spark fades but isn't two months too soon?
    I am guessing you did not live together prior to your marriage.

    This is another communication issue. As usual....not trying to bust your shoes but here is the deal:

    Starting here and now, start a 2 way dialogue with your H.

    About everything from your sex life to finances to who does what around the house...everything.

    This is too early for the spark to fade.

    I am a bit usurped --- 3 times a week? It's tough to tell from that whether he is a real sexual guy, he is not such a sexual guy or what...or if this is a thing where you are settling in as newlyweds and he can't seem to find a way to make time for sex...

    Whatever it is...you and he have to work on it. Together.

    What I suggest:

    Start a dialogue, this weekend --- and do it outside the bedroom.

    Tomorrow is Saturday. Its essential you sit down and open the floor and talk, uninterrupted -- "Honey we were so red hot and I'd love to be that way again..." Say that to him and open the floor.

    (Or if you are daring, jump his bones right there, after you say it.  hee hee --- really let him have it as it were...)

    Nip this in the bud now. Don't let this snowball into a larger problem.

    Maybe he is only a "weekend sex" kind of guy. That isn't bad, considering the 2  of you have duties all week at work and etcetera and the weekend is wide open for fun and games.  You could be a 2 -3 times a week couple, counting weekends alone.

    Suppose you reserve the weekend for sex? Make it a priority --- Invite him into the shower with you, you set up a warm bubble bath for 2 and provide wine, munchies, music and....letting nature take its course.

    There's a couple of ideas. GL.
  • I really appreciate all the advice. It is helpful. Do you have any suggestions on how to start the conversation. I have a really hard time opening up and sharing my emotions when I am the one starting the conversation.
  • happily85 said:
    I really appreciate all the advice. It is helpful. Do you have any suggestions on how to start the conversation. I have a really hard time opening up and sharing my emotions when I am the one starting the conversation.
    I would  shut off all interruptions and talk to him outside of the bedroom -- maybe in the kitchen or living room and say "honey, I was just thinking about how hot we were not too long ago " and here, you'll describe some of the thing you did and then say "I'd love to be that red hot with you again.  What do you think?" and let him take the floor.

    Or maybe you can go shopping for a couples-forward sex manual -- lots of mainstream bookstores sell them; Amazon probably has them also -- and say "hey, honey --- I bought home some continuing education for us! Have a look --- what do you think?" and see what he says.:)
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