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I feel no remorse for wanting to file for divorce...

I haven't filed yet but will be in the next month or so.  I have been struggling with my feelings of my gut telling me it wont work for years and now that my head and my heart are finally on the same page, I have no emotions left.  My husband sits in counseling crying wanting to try and I just feel nothing.  I am so anxious to move on with my life with my kids and honestly wish I could move this process along quicker.  Am I totally heartless?  I have nothing left to give this marriage of 15 years that had me walking on egg shells.  Now that I have found my voice and am willing to put myself first, I just want out ASAP!!!
j3ffsgirl

Re: I feel no remorse for wanting to file for divorce...

  • doclagodoclago
    Fifth Anniversary 10 Comments Name Dropper
    member
    edited October 2015
    Most people don'e change much over time.   Why did you fall in love with this man in the first place?  What about him and you is so incredibly different that you feel you need to leave? 
    If you have small children it may be better for them to try to make it work until they are adults.  Because, it isn't about you anymore it's all about your children and the family you chose to create. 
  • You're not totally heartless.  It sounds like what has happened is you have known for a long time the marriage is over.  You have had time to process that.  But, for your H, it may have come as a big surprise.  Or, maybe not a surprise there were problems, but a surprise the marriage appears to be ending.

    From your "walking on eggshells" comment, I'm guessing your H has been controlling and perhaps emotionally or physically abusive in the relationship?  You don't have to answer that if you don't want to.  But I'm assuming if he has primarily been the one controlling the relationship, and now he doesn't control it, that could also account for some of his angst.  I have no doubt he is upset at the thought of losing you, but a piece of that might also be upset at you now calling the shots.

  • doclago said:

    Most people don'e change much over time.   Why did you fall in love with this man in the first place?  What about him and you is so incredibly different that you feel you need to leave? 

    If you have small children it may be better for them to try to make it work until they are adults.  Because, it isn't about you anymore it's all about your children and the family you chose to create. 
    This is terrible advice. It's better to have two happy parents who are divorced but can successfully co-parent than it is to have married but miserable parents in an unhealthy relationship.
    HeartlandHustle | Personal Finance and Betterment Blog  
    englishtrish1
  • I haven't filed yet but will be in the next month or so.  I have been struggling with my feelings of my gut telling me it wont work for years and now that my head and my heart are finally on the same page, I have no emotions left.  My husband sits in counseling crying wanting to try and I just feel nothing.  I am so anxious to move on with my life with my kids and honestly wish I could move this process along quicker.  Am I totally heartless?  I have nothing left to give this marriage of 15 years that had me walking on egg shells.  Now that I have found my voice and am willing to put myself first, I just want out ASAP!!!

    No. I felt the same way. I couldn't wait til I got the decree in the mail making it final. My marriage was toxic and my divorce was such a relief.

    Now I'm dating an amazing man and this is nothing like how my marriage was.

    Good luck.

  • doclago said:
    Most people don'e change much over time.   Why did you fall in love with this man in the first place?  What about him and you is so incredibly different that you feel you need to leave? 
    If you have small children it may be better for them to try to make it work until they are adults.  Because, it isn't about you anymore it's all about your children and the family you chose to create. 
    This advice stinks.

    Kids will pick up when things are not good between Mom and Dad -- and I imagine she's got kids who are probably tweens or teens.:(

    And a family home it might have been but the OP's H should have, by gentlemen's agreement, moved out and let the mother of his kids stay where they were.

    (This is why family homes are not a good idea -- I had to partition a family member --- things went bad and it's a long story; we both owned the home.  Family homes are not a good idea because sooner or later, somebody is going to get the shit end of the stick: the OP did, in this case.)
  • doclago said:
    Most people don'e change much over time.   Why did you fall in love with this man in the first place?  What about him and you is so incredibly different that you feel you need to leave? 
    If you have small children it may be better for them to try to make it work until they are adults.  Because, it isn't about you anymore it's all about your children and the family you chose to create. 

    I tried this for two years. It didn't work. It only confused my son more. It is better to part ways and move on. Never stay together for the kid(s).
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