Sex & Romance
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I want sex more than he does...

When my boyfriend (39) and I(30) first moved in together we were having sex every 2nd - 3rd night. We are now almost at our 1st year "dating" anniversary and living together for 9 months and if I'm lucky I'll get sex once a week now... I know, once a week seems plenty to most woman (I think I've reached my sexual peak now), but its gotten to the point that I have to wait for him to initiate sex (when he does it will be wild and so worth the wait) otherwise if I try initiating it then he doesn't get hard enough to have penetration sex, I end up finishing him off with a HJ or BJ and I am left feeling a little frustrated and then he won't touch me for another week; or it seems as if he rushes through it just to get it over with.  I don't understand whats going on. I have tried talking to him and he says he can't explain why, maybe he's just a bit tired. He says he still loves me and is attracted to me... I'm so confused and its starting to affect my self esteem. Any suggestions? or anyone else going through this?

Re: I want sex more than he does...

  • Take it from me, this will not get better on it's own. He's not "just tired". He probably has a testosterone problem, or something psychological is going on. I have been dealing with this with my husband (34) since our honeymoon. It's been a month for us now, our average is 2-3 weeks. We have sex so seldom that 2 years ago he began ejaculating prematurely, and now I hate having sex with him because it just ends in disappointment for both of us. He has to go to a doctor. And possibly a psychologist. It's hard for a man to admit this is an actual medical problem, they have to pretend it's something as simple as being tired or stressed or not being 18 anymore. Sometimes just being more active can help increase sex drive. Does he exercise at all?

    3 years into my marriage I'm ready to end it because my husband has been dragging his feet and making excuses for not dealing with this. Pride is not a good enough reason not to try to improve an issue. Please don't let it go on for years unaddressed, it will make you bitter and resentful, and neither of you wants that. 
  • Blukie said:
    When my boyfriend (39) and I(30) first moved in together we were having sex every 2nd - 3rd night. We are now almost at our 1st year "dating" anniversary and living together for 9 months and if I'm lucky I'll get sex once a week now...

    It very well could be the relationship is over. And quite over at that.

    You are only together a year. Sex ebbs and flows nd waxes and wanes but no way you and he should be having sex so rarely.

    Ask yourself if you can stay with a guy who is not sexual....let's forget for a moment that you are together a year:

    Can you hack little or no sex, in a relationship?

    If the answer is no tell this gentleman goodbye. There is no sense pursuing something that is a dead issue, imo.,


    I know, once a week seems plenty to most woman (I think I've reached my sexual peak now), but its gotten to the point that I have to wait for him to initiate sex (when he does it will be wild and so worth the wait) otherwise if I try initiating it then he doesn't get hard enough to have penetration sex, I end up finishing him off with a HJ or BJ and I am left feeling a little frustrated and then he won't touch me for another week; or it seems as if he rushes through it just to get it over with.  I don't understand whats going on. I have tried talking to him and he says he can't explain why, maybe he's just a bit tired. He says he still loves me and is attracted to me... I'm so confused and its starting to affect my self esteem. Any suggestions? or anyone else going through this?

    Says he loves you but he's a bit tired but has not made an attempt to ante up to a level where there is sex at least twice a week?

    Perhaps this relationship is over and no longer for you.  You will have to decide. GL.



  • Here is a case of sexual incompatibility at its finest....you waited to find out about this on your honeymoon???


    Take it from me, this will not get better on its own. He's not "just tired". He probably has a testosterone problem, or something psychological is going on. I have been dealing with this with my husband (34) since our honeymoon. It's been a month for us now, our average is 2-3 weeks.

    We have sex so seldom that 2 years ago he began ejaculating prematurely, and now I hate having sex with him because it just ends in disappointment for both of us.

    Why didn't he see a urologist back then???? Why did the problem get out of hand and unattended-to, medically?

    He has to go to a doctor. And possibly a psychologist. It's hard for a man to admit this is an actual medical problem, they have to pretend it's something as simple as being tired or stressed or not being 18 anymore. Sometimes just being more active can help increase sex drive. Does he exercise at all?

    I am willing to bet that the OP and her BF are simply not sexually compatible.

    And the relationship is simply over. She should ask herself if she wants to stay with a guy who is not sexually compatible with her...or if she wants to pursue a relationship that is over.,


    3 years into my marriage I'm ready to end it because my husband has been dragging his feet and making excuses for not dealing with this. Pride is not a good enough reason not to try to improve an issue. Please don't let it go on for years unaddressed, it will make you bitter and resentful, and neither of you wants that. 

    You do not need a guy who cannot and will not work on this with you. IF he won't work on it, you can decide whether or not you want to stay married to a glorified roommate, be given the privilege (by your H) of being in an open relationship...or if you want to pursue a divorce.

    Your life, your choice. You decide.

    PS: Very few 39 year old males have true testosterone problems. He is 39, not 93.  This is over between him and the  OP. That is my guess.



  • Thank you very much for your assumptions, Tarpon, but they are not sound. Our sex life was excellent before we got married, thank you. But even if someone waits until marriage, that is not your business, nor should it somehow be considered their fault if issues arise. It stopped being fine once we got married, and has gotten progressively worse. We did see a counselor 8 months into our marriage, and things got better for awhile, but once we stopped going, they got worse again. He has seen doctors to rule out medical issues. He does have low testosterone, I have seen the results myself. Insurance will not cover treatments because of his age, they say he is too young to need it, and we cannot afford it out of pocket. As for the other issue, all medical problems were ruled out long ago. I am not such a doormat that I tolerate this meekly, but at the same time, you cannot force someone to seek help. I am at the point where I am ready and willing to end my marriage over it, but as he currently has an appointment with a psychiatrist, I'm choosing to see if things can improve, because I do love him. 
  • I would move out. He doesn't want to marry you and you shouldn't be his free bee
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