Sex & Romance
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love and sex

I have been married for many years to my wife in a pretty reasonable relationship, for many years in our relationship, about 31 of the 33 we have been together my wife would refuse to give me a BJ, then all of a sudden 18 months ago it all started like all my Christmas's came at once, then some small changes like she took up gym and walking/some jogging before she came home from work [ she does sleep over support work for people as a job ] I had my own business at that stage and I noticed sometimes she would come home from work and if I was to ask her things about my work [ she did the books ] she would tell me to go away and would be very bitchy" but that wasn't the issue, I would some times get the worst stomach sickly feelings you can think of, the like something is wrong feelings, any way this was heightened by the fact that I had spoken to 3 clairvoyants over this period, mainly just for life forcasting [ I do believe some are good ]and they have all said that she has been involved with another women / couple briefly ??. Again the reason for this inclusion is because my question is I like most males have fantasies regarding certain things in sex and one is to have a threesome with another male or female or both, it doesn't matter to me of which she flatly refuses, how ever she knows that some times I will look at porn as I know I have found girl porn web sites on her phone about 12 months ago of which she also flat out denied??, I sent her an email with a few suggestive things like watching her have sex in it last week to which I asked her to reply to and not to talk to me verbally about , only in writing as you can think better that way, to which she also ignored???, she is know starting to go into change of life so that makes it even more interesting, so after that "Bit of background" my Question is : Do you think she has done the deed' already and that's her Eternal secret and it's not going to happen for me?? or will she be swayed?? she also gets heavily involved in the Vampire episodes, Wentworth, and the Orange is Black stuff [ I don't ] I believe these shows have medium to high lesbianism in them ?? You would think I should know my wife better after all these years!!! don't get me wrong either, we both do love each other [ I do anyway !! ] ; Lee.

Re: love and sex

  • edited August 2015
    okilw said:

    I have been married for many years to my wife in a pretty reasonable relationship, for many years in our relationship, about 31 of the 33 we have been together my wife would refuse to give me a BJ, then all of a sudden 18 months ago it all started like all my Christmas's came at once, then some small changes like she took up gym and walking/some jogging before she came home from work [ she does sleep over support work for people as a job ]

    This is sort of puzzling.

    All of a sudden, she's undergone this fantastic change and she's a real hotbox in the sack?

    I am wondering if she is having an affair. 

    Exercise caution here. Why is she all of a sudden so crazy about going down...and so crazy about joining a gymn and getting fit?

    She does sleepover support work? Are you certain she is at work? Or perhaps this is going on right after she leaves work?


    I had my own business at that stage and I noticed sometimes she would come home from work and if I was to ask her things about my work [ she did the books ] she would tell me to go away and would be very bitchy" but that wasn't the issue,

    This is a separate issue --- she's got no right to talk to anybody like that, especially her husband and partner -- and gee, why is she so edgy? Very disturbing!

    Stand up for yourself and tell her to cut it out, posthaste.

     I would some times get the worst stomach sickly feelings you can think of, the like something is wrong feelings, any way this was heightened by the fact that I had spoken to 3 clairvoyants over this period, mainly just for life forcasting [ I do believe some are good ]and they have all said that she has been involved with another women / couple briefly ??.

    Funny you should mention this: looks like your gut was telling you something was wrong. Always trust your gut; if you do not feel right about something then chances are something is wrong.

    I don't know how financially well off you are but maybe it would be prudent to get a PI on her trail.

    None of this is boding well for you. 

    Again the reason for this inclusion is because my question is I like most males have fantasies regarding certain things in sex and one is to have a threesome with another male or female or both, it doesn't matter to me of which she flatly refuses, how ever she knows that some times I will look at porn as I know I have found girl porn web sites on her phone about 12 months ago of which she also flat out denied??,

    Lots of women look at porn, too! And it has nothing to do with whether they are having affairs or not!

    Your problem is also that you are married to a liar. IF she lies to you about her porn, what else is she going to lie about?

    This is also pretty juvenile. What is she, in junior high? Your phone, your porn. Somebody downloaded it...it it wasn't you then who was it? 

    She  should be surprised you didn't bounce her, just for the lying issue.

    I sent her an email with a few suggestive things like watching her have sex in it last week to which I asked her to reply to and not to talk to me verbally about , only in writing as you can think better that way, to which she also ignored???,

    And now she's uncommunicative.

    Something is weird here.

    she is know starting to go into change of life so that makes it even more interesting, so after that "Bit of background" my Question is : Do you think she has done the deed' already and that's her Eternal secret and it's not going to happen for me?? or will she be swayed??

    Done the deed? You mean with somebody else? You're not making this clear "who" you are speaking of that she's done it with.

    she also gets heavily involved in the Vampire episodes, Wentworth, and the Orange is Black stuff [ I don't ] I believe these shows have medium to high lesbianism in them ?? You would think I should know my wife better after all these years!!! don't get me wrong either, we both do love each other [ I do anyway !! ] ; Lee.

     
    The only thing I can suggest:

    Sit down with her and have a blunt talk with her. I would flat out ask her if she is having an affair.

    Something isn't right here. All of a sudden your sex life with her has taken this fantastical turn where none of this was happening before. That's the big red flag here, in my opinion.

    She will say no, no doubt --- if she is having an affair, you'll have to find out via some other way.

    Are other things happening? is she gone during odd times? is she late returning from something, and late routinely? Is she secretive about who calls her and who emails her and who texts her? Do you find fancy underwear, nighties and other undergear -- where there were none before? Does she lie about her whereabouts?

    Does she shut her phone off when she's away from the house and does she have it shut down for longish periods of time?

    The working out and frequent blowjobs where there were none before is what is questionable.That's the only lead  you have so far and it doesn't look good to me.

    She "Might" be involved with somebody else and all you can think of is that she indulges a fantasy??? Get your priorities straight.

    IF she is having an affair, I suggest you show her the door. Adultery is a deal breaker -- find yourself a nice woman who is open to what you want physically (and by that, I don't mean get involved in a threesome) and one who does not chew your head off when you ask her routine questions.    

    I also strongly suggest you get tested for STDs. Who knows where she's been at this point -- and it could very well be that she might be on her way out of the closet. Maybe she's just now coming to terms with facing her sexuality. She might be bi and finally admitting it or perhaps she's ready to face facts that she's a lesbian.

    The only way you could find out if for certain she's having an affair right now is via a PI -- or the affair can very well be over by now. or maybe she's finding these other people/women on CL or some other place.    

    You are going to have to decide where you want to go from here, if she's had an affair. Why do you want to remain with somebody who isn't faithful to you? Raise your standards a LOT higher than this!

     
  • edited August 2015
    If she's had an affair in the past and it is now over, nothing you can do.

    I always say once a cheater, always a cheater and she is bound to repeat the pattern.

    I can't believe this --- instead of being flaming mad that she might have something going on with somebody else, you're ga ga eyed at the fact that "wow, she might have had an affair with a couple or maybe even a girl! How total frigging CHILL! that's my fantasy!" Mister -- are you a man or a mouse?

    And suppose she had an affair with a guy, or is still having an affair with a guy?

    Are you going to be all gaga eyed over this one, too?

    Are you a man or a mouse?

    I'd ask her flat out "are you having an affair?"

    The working out and the sexual activity is fishy indeed; it could be she's been having an affair.



    oblem: NO COMMUNICATION!

    She would not go down on you? Gee, did you ever perhaps sit down and talk about it and tell her how much you'd love it if she did it? Did you ever ask her why she wouldn't do it? 
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