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In-Law Frustration

Before the engagement everything was perfect. Both families got along great when seeing each other (not often) and my MIL stayed a good distance away as my husband and I were in college. Both sets of parents were over an hour away and in opposite directions. Once the engagement started it felt like everything changed. It started a month after when I went to look at dresses and I was accused by my husbands family of not being inclusive and hurting MIL feelings. She was out of town during the first dress appointment and I did not even mention it to her or my SIL, sadly for them I found my dress that day. For the next fourteen months this continued and got to the point where I stopped talking to MIL and SIL unless I had to. I was constantly "hurting" their feelings by not including them after they would decline invitations and ruin whatever they were invited to. I ended up inviting them to my first dress fitting and my SIL deliberately lied to me and made my mom so mad we had to end the appointment as soon as possible and the two of them did not speak until the rehearsal dinner months later. After the wedding I moved to where my husband worked and three hours away from my family and friends. Basically I know no one in this area except my In-Laws and I still have major apprehension for talking to them. I am not sure how to move on. I want to let go all of the wrong they did to me before the wedding, but it is extremely hard. Especially living in an area I know no one. I haven't talking to my SIL since the rehearsal dinner, she wouldn't talk to me at my wedding and I did not really care. Not sure how to fix this issue as I would rather not talk to them except at holidays, but living ten minutes from them and my husband working for the family business makes this really hard. I am very sensitive to information he tells me as he sees them every day at work. HELP! 

Re: In-Law Frustration

  • I can absolutely relate to your situation, my MIL was the same way when it came to my wedding.  She wanted to be involved in all of the decisions but never gave a dime and wouldn't ask me a thing about the wedding.  Fast forward about 2 years later she has still yet to see any pictures or the video from my wedding because she is uninterested.  I realized later that this all stemmed from jealousy.  Like you I also live 10 minutes from my in laws and 2 hours from my family and friends.  I have slowly learned to accept them for what they are but this also means that my husband needs to learn how to stop jumping on command (this would drive me crazy).  My mother in law can be nasty and demanding but also has very uninterested in our lives compared to her other children (they treat us the same way she does).   This has been a process and we are still working on finding the right balance for us, I am polite when I see them but I do not interact with them when I do not see them.  I have also put my own roots down and have made some friends in the area.  I would suggest you try the same, maybe join a kickball league or a book club where you can meet girlfriends who you can hang out with. 
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