I'm hoping that I can get some help/advice from people who have maybe been in a similar situation. Some background:
My husband and I have been married for four and a half years. We both waited for the wedding night for religious reasons and have never had any other partners. Growing up, sex was not something that was a big deal in my household. My mother worked evenings in a hospital and they slept in separate rooms because of different schedules and sleep apnea. They weren't a touchy feely couple. They let me choose my religion as a kid, and I had to beg my dad for a purity ring because he didn't want me to make a commitment I would regret. So it's not like I was brought up in a house where sex was badmouthed or looked down upon, it was just a non-issue.
In the time we've been married, I have NEVER liked sex. It is no longer painful, but it is still difficult. It causes a lot of anxiety for me and God bless my husband, we sometims go 3-4 months without. It makes me feel incredibly guilty. I don't know who to talk to about it or where to turn. Doing some research, I woder about vaginismus, but am not sure what kind of doctor to see. My primary? An OBGYN? I admit I have some major body/sex hang ups and the thought of discussing this with my regular doctor who I see for other things is slightly terrifying. I want to be a good wife. I want to enjoy something that obviously most people find enjooyable, but I don't know where to turn. Even being able to admit this here has been a huge step and this was incredibly difficult to write. I'm just hoping somebody with a similar experience can share what worked for them. I don't know if the problem is mental (probably), phyical, or a bit of both.