or at least not mine. Sorry for the crass subject line, but I'm pretty much at a loss here and need some advice.
Some background: We've been married for nine years (together for ten) with two kids that she stays at home with. Sex was great when we dated, as it is for everyone. We had it all the time, public places, etc. Things obviously got tougher when we got married and started living life. Kids complicated things too, but I knew that was part of the deal. We weren't 21 anymore and I was ok with that. I wanted sex more than her, but I was ok that it didn't happen as much as I wanted. She was still an active participant when we did make love and made an effort to wear lingerie, watch porn together, use toys, etc.
Things have really changed in the past year, and in the past six months in particular. Her lack of interest in sex has led to multiple knock down, drag out fights between us. She claims that she's tired and can't get in the mood. If I didn't bring it up, I don't think we'd ever even talk about it. She never initiates but I know that I am to blame to some extent too. I am not as romantic as I used to be because I resent her when we argue about sex and that's not something I'm proud of. I'm not trying to lay the blame solely at her feet, I understand that I bear some responsibility as well.
Now back to my subject line. In the past few months, when we have been together, she more or less makes an active effort not to touch me. I got oral to completion once in 2014. And yes, she is taken care of orally almost every time we make love. She makes no effort on foreplay with me. If I go down on her and she cums, she'll just roll over and ask if I want to make love to her. No oral for me, no handjob, nothing. I basically feel like I am a human dildo for her. She likes when it's inside of her, but that's pretty much it.
I'm at the point where I am going crazy. I have tried to tell her that she can be honest with me and say that she's not as attracted to me, but she always denies that. And then there's this, she has always said that she's wanted to be with another woman, even back when we were in college. She's always been very touchy with other girls when she has a couple of drinks, and when we were making love about a year ago, she asked me if I wanted to watch her with another girl. I mean, I'm seriously at the point where I am wondering if my wife is bi or a closet lesbian. It would certainly explain why she doesn't like touching or playing with me. And even if that were true, I would be supportive of her. I want her to be happy and not feel like she is living a lie, but I don't know if she would ever admit it. She comes from a very religious family and I think she's scared. I also do think she loves me and doesn't want to feel like she is going to ruin the life that we have built.
Sorry, I know this is sort of rambling, but I am trying to get all these thoughts and feelings that I'm having out. I know I should be talking to her about this, but at least wanted to hear what others might have to say.