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Is this cheating?

I discovered (long story short via a "junk" email) that my husband two weeks ago set up an account on fling.com. I have never not trusted him before as he is very devoted. He hasn't put up a picture or communicated with anyone, likely because you'd have to pay to upgrade and I do our banking and would see a charge.

I do not think he has actually cheated. However, his profile does list our specific city which to me shows some intent of meeting a real person. (He watches porn a lot and I'm fine with that but if it's real ppl I feel it's different.) In the section for what he is interested in, he listed experimentation, threesomes, and "open to a relationship." That's the part that got me. He may have gone on this one time only but it was recent.

As a brief background we already have problems and are in counseling, namely for his concern with not good enough sex/lack of desire/enthusiasm on my part.

What would you make of this? Thank you.

Re: Is this cheating?

  • wowand135 said:
    I discovered (long story short via a "junk" email) that my husband two weeks ago set up an account on fling.com. I have never not trusted him before as he is very devoted. He hasn't put up a picture or communicated with anyone, likely because you'd have to pay to upgrade and I do our banking and would see a charge.

    This is fishy already. Why would a happily married man set up an account on a website like that?

    I do not think he has actually cheated. However, his profile does list our specific city which to me shows some intent of meeting a real person. (He watches porn a lot and I'm fine with that but if it's real ppl I feel it's different.) In the section for what he is interested in, he listed experimentation, threesomes, and "open to a relationship." That's the part that got me. He may have gone on this one time only but it was recent.

    As a brief background we already have problems and are in counseling, namely for his concern with not good enough sex/lack of desire/enthusiasm on my part.

    What would you make of this? Thank you.
    None of this is positive. Sorry.

    I'd confront him and ask him what business he has on a website like that.

    And the sex is the problem on "your" end? Sorry: it takes two to tango! What about him? How come he didn't sit down with you and suggest you see a doc to get a possible physical problem checked out, and also why didn't he discuss ways for you and he to spice things up a bit?

    Looks like he pinned all the blame on you -- tha'ts what I am getting out of your last paragraph -- and that's not good in itself. You and he are supposed to be a team. And he and you are to derive a great solution to the problem, together as one team.
    TheaRaeR.WilsonnyNoneForUs
  • He may have not cheated yet but in my opinion he's looking to see what his options are, is the grass greener on the other side? Since you know about this I think you need to bring it up in counseling and address it. If you don't, it will be in the back of your mind and it could do any damage to any progress you might make with counseling.
    NoneForUs
  • He has the intention to cheat, which is the same as cheating.  He is actively seeking out ways to cheat on you.
    NoneForUs
  • He may not have actually stuck his penis into another woman's vagina yet............but that is clearly his intention.  I don't know that I'd bother hanging around while he works on fulfilling his intent.
    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
    NoneForUs
  • He is making plans to cheat on you.  Where there is a will, there is a way... he may not be able to do fling.com but he will find another way if it's on his mind (which it is, obviously)
  • TheaRaeTheaRae
    First Comment
    member
    edited September 2014

    Here is the problem with porn... it creates un-realistic sexual expectations for men... they may choose to fufill their fantsy's over making love to their wife... and because it is like an addiction it can clearly not be their fault... (he is embarissed and doesn't want to loose his vice so he puts the blame on you)

    This isin't actively cheating but it might as well be, because the intention is there. You need to be very smart and stregic about how you address this issue hence you are already working on other issues. I would seek professional advice of the best method of exceution on this one, this is a big deal if you want to continue this relationship this has to stop completely and that includes the porn (it doesn't make you insecure or jelous to taboo that either) you need to pull this weed from the root and respect yourself and if that means walking away before he wastes your life so be it...

    Good luck hun.

    RosebudzJJ
  • Steens10Steens10
    First Anniversary First Comment
    member
    edited December 2014
    its cheating in my book. I was with my ex for a year in a half and saw on his web history that he was on a dating site. I confronted he admitted to it. I guess we were having a rough time but doesnt give anyone a reason to cheat. We talked and he promised to delete it. He didnt...so i broke it off. Hardest thing I ever had to do. A guy who i was about to move in with...who kept telling me he wanted to have a baby with me and marry me!! There are no gentleman in this world anymore. Was curious to see if he was still on and yupp...2 months later afer our break up hes still on that same account and on a different site "seeking a new relationship" ugh. They are in a relationship exposing themselves on a dating site as being single. that is cheating! 
    NoneForUs
  • This coupled with the fact you are both in counseling together signals a big red flag for me. However it's a good sign you are in counseling, and this sounds like a good avenue to bring up the information you were presented. Do not keep digging any further on your own - won't lead to anything good in the long run. 
  • Planning to cheat is the same thing as cheating. Married couples who aren't in an open marriage should not be searching for other partners. 

    Sometimes I go on Craigslist to search for funny personal ads to my cousin. She is sad about being single and when I send those messages to her, it cheers her up immensely and we have a great time laughing at the dick pics. I make sure that my husband knows why I am looking on Craigslist so that he doesn't get the wrong idea. 

    Bring up what you have found in counseling. It is time for some uncomfortable truths to be brought to life. I wish you strength. 
    short+sassy
  • I had a similar situation happen to me. My now husband was found signed up on eharmony and match.com. I confronted him about it and he said things with us weren't going good and he was frustrated. We weren't married at the time, but had been together for a couple years. It still bothers me that he was even looking. It's totally not right. 
  • I had a similar situation happen to me. My now husband was found signed up on eharmony and match.com. I confronted him about it and he said things with us weren't going good and he was frustrated. We weren't married at the time, but had been together for a couple years. It still bothers me that he was even looking. It's totally not right. 



    Ugh!  What is that about?  It's like he was saying, "Things aren't going good, but I'm looking for a replacement before I actually leave."  I mean, either a person is in a monogamous relationship or they are not.  And if things aren't going well, man up and either work to make it better or cut bait.  Sleazy.  Same goes for women who play this game.

    At any rate, it sounds like you all worked things out since you and him are now married.  So, hopefully the above was just an aberration of a normally good character. 

  • divorce his ass NOW
  • AS long as there are no children involved...run away...quickly!  He is not a good man.
  • So you've figured out through the help of counseling what some of or all the issues are. Now it's time to talk about what you can do to fix things and even if things change, will that really save the relationship. And you need to talk to him about what his intentions where on going to this site. And you need to look within yourself, by finding him on this site, have you lost all trust in him? Not all marriages can be saved through counseling. For those that can't be saved, at least the couple tried to save it and didn't just quit. And for those that it works, that's an great thing.

  • BUt I am curious though, what is missing in your own relationship that he is feeling the ned to look elsewhere?
  • Can we stop replying to a post that's more than a year old?
    image
  • IDK why they don't close out these conversations. I didn't even look at the date it was created....
  • I'm sorry to hear this is happening to you.  My ex did this as well.  I found his profile online, picture and all.  Because I knew he'd lie about it, I made a fake profile and got him to talk to me.  I knew all his interests so it was easy to get him interested.  When he agreed to meet up with me, that's when I confronted him.  He lied, of course.  Said it wasn't him and that his computer must have been hacked.  Seriously!???  Finally he confessed.  I never told him I was the one talking to him online.  But I did tell him the only way I will ever ask him a question is if I already know the answer.  He tried to turn it around to make it my fault.  I moved away and divorced him and have never been happier.  I'm not saying this is the same as your situation.  We had been having small problems, but that's never an excuse to make a dating profile when you have a loving spouse in the other room.  And we have a kid.  Its the intent to cheat.  And once I found out that he would have went thru with it, that was my answer.
  • And I Just realized this is an old post.  Oops!!!!!!!
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