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Tips for dealing with new "army wife"? (long)

(Preemptive info: The person I'm talking about is my nephew's mother. She is not with my brother-in-law anymore, she's remarried. She's still loosely part of the family and often comes to me to talk since our kids are related. I have to be over the top nice to her because she's very testy and will keep our nephew away from us if we're not "nice enough" to her, which really means blowing smoke up her ass all the time. Ignoring her and blocking her on social media is not an option. It would cause major family backlash, due to there not being a court agreement for custody/support so everyone is supposed to placate her.)

Her husband was sworn in 10 days ago. She's already proving to be one of the people who take their husband's military involvement over the top. Minutes after he was sworn in she was on facebook "WHOO, I'M AN ARMY WIFE". Prior to him even being sworn in she started a blog about their "new life". (her words, not snarkiness!)

We live in an area with a heavy military population, we're 30 minutes from base. I have friends who have husbands in the service and they don't act like her, so I don't know how to respond to her. 

She's started coming to me complaining (for lack of a better term) about how hard this all is. Keep in mind he hasn't left for bootcamp yet, and won't for a few months. I'm at a loss for what to say to her. She's started asking why I never comment on her facebook posts about "their new life choice" (again, her words not snarkiness). She posts about it on Facebook at least once a day. All of her friends say things like "You're so strong/Everyone should look up to you/I don't know how you do it". I cannot make myself say those things. I've tried. I know it sounds stupid, but I can't make myself lie to anyone's face like that. 

Any suggestions of how I could go about talking to her and making her feel heard when she wants to lay it all on me?

Re: Tips for dealing with new "army wife"? (long)

  • Oh, lawdy!  She sounds fun.  If she thinks that's hard, she has a world of hurt coming to her.  She'll be a whinny ball of whine when he leaves.  I"m not even sure what she thinks is so hard right now.  I think I would ask her questions while she is talking to you.  That way, she feels like you are interested in what she's saying.  Maybe ask her what it is that is so difficult.  Suggest forums for her to visit to see just what military life will be like.  Tell her they've been super helpful. Maybe she'll start to notice she's being ridiculous.  


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