Starting Over
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Is something wrong or is this normal??

I'll try and make this somewhat short ... Maybe even just getting it out, will help ... I was with my ex for about 5 years, married about 1 1/2 years before divorce.  I've now been separated/divorced almost 2 years.  
I've been with my current boyfriend 10 months. .... He has talked about marriage/rings/etc. etc., which I was comfortable/happy about.  The more I think about it, the more scared I get.  The more I question everything.  The more I wonder 'am I settling?' 'am I truly happy?' 'is he really the one?' Am I overthinking everything and being extra-cautious because of my divorce/failed relationship in the past ... or are these signs that maybe something isn't right?  I feel like "...if everything was perfect, I wouldn't have doubt..." The fact that I'm questioning the relationship, should be sign .... but then again I think - I question everything, I have a tendency to over-think, over-analyze anyways, and now with a divorce it exacerbates everything.

Ugh, IDK what to think .... Can anyone relate??
Married: 6/6/2015
Started TTC: 8/2015

Re: Is something wrong or is this normal??

  • I was there. I ended my first marriage pretty fast. I was single and enjoying it for a couple years when H appeared. I wasn't looking for something serious and was highly critical/cautious of the relationship all along the way. Now we're married and I didn't know I could be this happy. Go slow. Talk about your fears with him. If he's a keeper he'll be kind and patient as you work through your concerns. I'd say this is really normal.
    1smoothgalgrumbledore
  • I can totally relate

    I have been divorced going on 2 years now as well and I initially wa excited about getting remarried and doing things the right way this time- however once I started dating and the idea was brought up I totally freaked out at the thought of it.,,, the serious thought of actually putting it into action

     

    I honestly don't know how long it will take for me to be ready to fully commit again and feel confident in the decision of "starting over" !! I guess its all relative and based off of personal experiences/growth.

     

    It is normal

    somewhat of a defense and def signs of maturing.  You have been there and done that .. Now youknow what marriage is , what it truly takes and whats involved.

     

    Marriage is no joke.

     

    grumbledore
  • Amen, marriage is no joke....but I think that it's normal to feel that way after a divorce.
    grumbledore
  • benaisy3 said:
    I'll try and make this somewhat short ... Maybe even just getting it out, will help ... I was with my ex for about 5 years, married about 1 1/2 years before divorce.  I've now been separated/divorced almost 2 years.  
    I've been with my current boyfriend 10 months. .... He has talked about marriage/rings/etc. etc., which I was comfortable/happy about.  The more I think about it, the more scared I get.  The more I question everything.  The more I wonder 'am I settling?' 'am I truly happy?' 'is he really the one?' Am I overthinking everything and being extra-cautious because of my divorce/failed relationship in the past ... or are these signs that maybe something isn't right?  I feel like "...if everything was perfect, I wouldn't have doubt..." The fact that I'm questioning the relationship, should be sign .... but then again I think - I question everything, I have a tendency to over-think, over-analyze anyways, and now with a divorce it exacerbates everything.

    Ugh, IDK what to think .... Can anyone relate??
    I think this is normal.  I'm divorced and I've been with my SO for 4 years and we are now talking about getting married.  He first brought it up a few months ago.  For the first couple of years, I was unwilling to consider getting remarried.  Going through a divorce is miserable, as you know, and I wasn't ready to put myself all the way out there again.  By a year or so ago, I started to feel comfortable with the idea again and now I am 100% sure that this is the right person, at the right time, and I feel safe enough to be excited about it.

    If you're not ready, wait.  If he's the right one and you guys love each other and continue to grow as a couple, then it can happen when you are ready.  Don't rush it if you haven't gotten past these thoughts.

    Good luck :)
  • I can understand your dilemma. I am not divorced but my husband and I are having some big problems and sometimes I wonder why I was in such a rush to get married in the first place. I can imagine that going through a divorce is extremely difficult so of course you would not be in any rush to move on to another marriage. If you dont feel ready, it doesnt mean this guy is not the one, it just means you are not ready. If he is not pressuring you, than just try to take it a day at a time.
  • It wouldn't hurt for you and he to slow down a bit and take it a lot more slower.:)

    YOu've been married once before. Certainly you're a bit apprehensive; it's normal.

    The way I see it: if you've found a great guy and you know there's the very strong possiblity of a permanent future with him, slow down -- and enjoy having a boyfriend for a bit.:)

    I see nothing wrong with waiting another year and then starting to discuss marriage. GL.
  • benaisy3 said:
    I'll try and make this somewhat short ... Maybe even just getting it out, will help ... I was with my ex for about 5 years, married about 1 1/2 years before divorce.  I've now been separated/divorced almost 2 years.  
    I've been with my current boyfriend 10 months. .... He has talked about marriage/rings/etc. etc., which I was comfortable/happy about.  The more I think about it, the more scared I get.  The more I question everything.  The more I wonder 'am I settling?' 'am I truly happy?' 'is he really the one?' Am I overthinking everything and being extra-cautious because of my divorce/failed relationship in the past ... or are these signs that maybe something isn't right?  I feel like "...if everything was perfect, I wouldn't have doubt..." The fact that I'm questioning the relationship, should be sign .... but then again I think - I question everything, I have a tendency to over-think, over-analyze anyways, and now with a divorce it exacerbates everything.

    Ugh, IDK what to think .... Can anyone relate??
    Been there done that. I was in an abusive relationship with my first marriage and it was a long process to get divorced finally. Afterwards when I started getting out there and dating again my then boyfriend and I began to get serious he told me he wanted to marry me. FREAKED me out. He was very understanding and supportive and waited until I was ready to take that step. Now we've been married almost 2 years with a little one on the way. :)

    I would suggest to try living together either part time/ full time first to make sure there aren't any hidden demons that could surface. Marriage is hard work and can be scary. Try discussing your fears with your boyfriend and see what he says. You may just need some time to adjust to the idea and need to see him in that husband role in order to calm your nerves. 
    :x
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